The more I think about us as a married couple that others perceive… the more I think we might be an embarrassment together.
If they were a “normal” couple – middle class and straight, at the loftiest – it would be fine. Nobody would care. Jamie could hang out with her usual friends and tentatively deal with the neighbors until she felt out who was bullshit and who was honest. Once in a while, she might have to entertain Etta’s coworkers or bosses, but… ha, the idea of Etta having a boss was hilarious. More like she would have her own shop or service that provided well for an area but would never put her on the map like she was now. So maybe Jamie would become like a friendly, shining mother-hen to her wife’s few employees. Going to the store or office to drop off cookies and brownies she made that morning while reading the latest installment from her neighborhood book club. She didn’t have to impress them, though. Sure, maybe some people would think she was ditzy or “uncouth,” as Adele called her. It wouldn’t matter. She could laugh them off, maybe rant about them to Etta as they prepared to take a nightly shower together, but for the most part not be bothered by how they felt about her.
This was a different game altogether.
Jamie hated it, but she put aside her pride and met Adele for lunch Friday afternoon, one day before the luncheon with Hyacinth Winston. That morning, Jamie had woken up to Etta’s lustful demands, and six hours later she was still walking funny.
“You’re late,” was the first thing Adele said. She sat in a secluded corner of the company cafeteria, at a table set for a fine dining experience not often found in a place frequented by lower and middle-income staff. (Yet Etta never had a problem asking Jamie to run down and get her a sandwich for lunch… whether or not she worked for her.) “If I were assigning you points, you would be in the negative already.”
“I’m sorry, traffic was…”
“If you’re going to make excuses, you have to say them a certain way.” Adele sat up, tall, pretty, and regal as Jamie took the chair across from her. “I’m sorry,” she said softly, as if she spoke to someone of a higher status. “I was caught up in traffic, and my driver didn’t understand the urgency of this meeting.” Her teeth practically bit those last few words. “Like that.”
Jamie nodded. This was already the least amount of fun she ever had.
“Don’t put your purse on the floor like that,” Adele further scolded. “There is a basket for a reason. If someone doesn’t offer to take your bag for you, leave it in the designated spot before you sit down. Any hostess worth her muster will provide a stylish way to keep your purse out of the way without letting it get dirty on the ground. Especially in a room or buildingwhere people are eating all the time.”
“Okay.”
“For God’s sake, don’t slouch. If you’re feeling casual – and you shouldn’t, unless it’s a lunch between friends – you can cross your legs and slump your shoulders a little, but never slouch like that. Show off your confidence. Put out your chest a little if you’re in front of a man. Fake it until you make it.”
Jamie gulped. This was going to be a long lunch.
Adele showed her no mercy in the world of formal dining etiquette, and this went well beyond formal dining etiquette as Jamie understood it. When she thought of good manners and upbringing, she thought of kids with books on their heads and salad forks in their hands. Adele informed her student that such things were “middle-class rumors.” Adele would know. She grew up middle class and had been lied to throughout her adolescence. It wasn’t until she was having dinner with a fourth-generation CEO ten years ago that she realized filthy rich people had very different expectations.
“You’ve learned a lot from being Etta’s girlfriend this long,” Adele admitted toward the end of their lesson. Jamie sat primly, with her ankles crossed and set to the side, while her back remained straight and her hands poised in her lap. Her hair even fell perfectly, bouncing on her shoulders and caressing the sides of her breasts. Adele had stood up more than once to perfect Jamie’s posture with nimble, crafty hands. “There is also a lot that she can’t teach you because she’s never known those rules. New money people will give you a lot of leeway, no matter how long they’ve been in this world. The old money types? Even the nicest, most well-meaning ones will look askance at you if you create a social faux pas. That’s because the ‘right’ way is the only way they’ve ever known. Their mothers and nannies have drilled it into their thick skulls since they were old enough to remember the difference between their mother and nannies. They tookclasses in proper upper-echelon etiquette at their boarding and private schools. If you and Etta have kids, you bet your new money asses you’ll be sending your children to at least Winston Academy. Guess who it was named after?”
Jamie gulped. “Hyacinth Winston?”
“Her husband’s grandfather, yes.” Adele fidgeted and kept touching her mouth as if she desperately wanted a cigarette. How much does she smoke? Jamie never smelled it on her but had seen Adele taking cigarette breaks. “They’re the ‘public’ school – although still very private and exclusive, of course – of the elite around here. The biggest school, with state-champion sports teams. The boarding schools are also very prestigious but attract a more international student base. Mostly European, but I’m seeing more Southeast Asian and Northern African students come by our office on field trips now. They’re competing with the European boarding schools, is what I’m saying.”
Jamie shook her head. “I don’t know if Etta told you, but I had a cancer… scare… a couple of months ago. It’s got me thinking about kids one day. And I don’t know anything about the schools…”
Adele clicked a pen in her hand. Better than chewing on her lip in need of a nicotine fix, Jamie supposed. “She told me.”
“Oh…” Jamie hadn’t actually expected that.
“After the fact, of course. She said it was a reason she decided to propose to you.”
“Yeah…”
“Anyway.” Adele cleared her throat. “I only said all that to make it clear where these people are coming from. Most had never experienced a messy no-napkin barbecue until their backyard frat parties in college. The messiest a well-to-do girl ever gets in her teenage years is her boyfriend missing the mark while they fool around.” Adele laughed. “The stories I’ve heard…”
Jamie’s brain was going in five different directions at once. Not justwhere she would send her supposed children… but those children growing up in this privileged universe where they were taught perfect manners and never knew what it meant to get barbecue sauce all over their faces until they already knew what it meant to lose their virginity in the back of an Aston Martin.Better than I did. Got fingered beneath the bleachers at a volleyball game.
“I know I’ve been hard on you today, but I’m only trying to get you caught up. I had to teach myself all of this. It’s sink or swim when you’ve got our backgrounds, and I want you to swim better than Michael Phelps.”
“Thanks.” Jamie relaxed her shoulders, placing her folded hands on the table. “I mean it. I’m tired of embarrassing myself.”
Adele shifted in her seat. “I embarrass myself sometimes still,” she said. “I’ll forget to lower the volume of my laugh. I’ll wear the wrong kind of gloves to a party. My hat will resemble the same one a high-profile wife wore a year ago. I’m to the point now where most of this can be brushed off as I amass more of my own power, but… I’m a businesswoman. I’m playing by different rules from you.”
“Yeah. I’m just a queer wife.” Soon, anyway.
“There’s no just about it! Shake off all those images you have of the housewives you knew growing up. They worked their asses off, yes, but not in the ways you’re about to. Everything you do from the moment you say ‘I do’ with Etta will reflect on her. You could destroy her career… or help her build it up to more monumental levels. She could make her next billion because of the connections you make behind the scenes. Impressing women with money – or whose families have money – will go a long way. You don’t have to befriend them if you don’t want to. You do have to show that you’re a competent wife for a competent businesswoman. I’m not saying it’s fair, but it’s the way it is, and things are slow to change.”
Jamie’s phone vibrated with a text. “I should check this,” she said. “It mightbe Etta.”
“Go ahead.” Adele took out her phone as well. “Although, I highly recommend you not do that unless it’s the biggest emergency of your life when in certain company.”
