“I could never hate you,” Axel says at once.
I blink.
He seemed to really hate me when I arrived.
“Not really,” Axel says, his voice soft.
“Oh. I-I could never hate you either.”
“I’m glad.”
“Um—” My throat tightens. My tongue thickens. The room heats. “So…”
This is where I tell him. This is the perfect opening, just like the last one. And the one before that.
Each time I don’t say it, the words calcify a little more. What started as nervousness has hardened into something heavier—shame, maybe, at my own cowardice. At how easy it should be and isn’t.
Two words. Two syllables. I’ve scored goals in overtime. I’ve blocked shots with my body. But this?—
“Get in the bed, Enz. No overthinking.”
I get in the bed.
It’s nice to be on a real bed, and not a couch.
But I’m too aware of his presence beside me. In the quiet room, I can hear every inhale and exhale he makes. I hope he can’t hear the thunder of my heart.
“You’re stiff,” he grumbles. “Relax.”
I shift positions, then realize I’ve curled beside him, as if I want my face to be closer to him in the dark.Shit.
We’re face to face. The proper etiquette for us would to both be turning away from each other. I don’t move. Neither does he.
“Luca is quiet,” he whispers. “Time for unc-unc to sleep.”
“Unc-unc?”
“That’s you.”
“Sounds like a pig.”
“You said it, not me.” Axel chuckles, the sound impossibly throaty. How does he make even a chuckle sound sexy? Isn’t that something that old men in bars might do? But vital organs seem to have turned to butterflies.
“When’s the last time you’ve gotten off?” Axel asks.
“What? Um…”
“Was there someone in California?” he asks.
“Uh…”
“Isthere someone in California?”
“No.” I laugh.
That would have been the smart thing to do. Get into a relationship with someone so I don’t spend my whole time obsessing about former best friends who live thousands of miles away. Though now he’s not even a foot away. Eight inches perhaps. I could count his eyelashes if there were more light.
The mattress sinks. He’s scooting toward me, as if even eight inches isn’t separate enough.
