I inhale. I go to Luca and comfort him again. It takes longer for him to fall asleep this time.
I find Axel waiting on the couch for me when Luca finally falls asleep.
My pulse quickens. Here it comes: the conversation I’ve been dreading since we moved in.
The first time Axel met Luca, I thought he’d reject him immediately. Then I thought he’d lose interest after a week. Now we’re living in his apartment, and Luca lights up when he sees him, and if Axel walks away now?—
I square my shoulders. Better to know. Better to rip it off clean before Luca starts calling him Daddy and meaning it.
“Do you do that every night?” Axel asks.
My spine goes rigid. “Yes.”
He sighs. This is it. This is when he finds the words to say he doesn’t want us.
I brace myself.
“No wonder you’re always exhausted.”
“I love Luca. Of course, I’ll show up for him.”
“I’m sorry. I know. That’s not what I meant. I—” He stops.
“Look,” I say, “you need to tell me if you don’t want us here. It’s better if we know early on, before Luca can build memories with you.”
Axel recoils like I’ve hit him. “I don’t want you to go anywhere. I—I thought we had a good time tonight. And the shopping—you liked that, right?
“Yes. But Luca won’t always be cute and sweet. Sometimes he’ll be sad and sick and?—”
“And I’m here for that,” Axel says.
“You just found out about him. How can you be sure?”
“He’s my son.”
“But what if you get bored of him? You’re here in your bachelor pad.”
“I’m living close to my friends and colleagues! Finn and Noah are here. Jason and Cal are here too. It’s convenient. It’s not bad.”
I stare at him.
“I’m loyal, Enz. You should know that.”
I’m silent. “You have so many friends and a great family, and?—”
Axel inhales sharply. “I’m loyal, Enz. I met you on the first day of college, and I was loyal to you for years. You stopped talking to me, not the other way around. I’m one of the longest-playing Blizzards players, and yes, I could have made more money and become captain if I hadn’t told my agent to shove it when other teams approached. Luckily, the Blizzards felt the same way about me. I wish you cared about that. But if you’re trying to push me away… no, I won’t be pushed away. I want Luca in my life. Please don’t ask me again.”
Then he’s gone. His bedroom door clicks shut, and I’m alone in the dark living room with the harbor lights glittering through the window like nothing is wrong. I stand there, shaking.
Tears burn my eyes, and I head to the couch. I bury myself under the blanket—the same one he wrapped over me earlier, then bury my face in a pillow. It smells faintly of Axel’s cologne.
I don’t want Axel to hear me cry.
Everything is wrong.
Axel
The blanket is crumpled on the couch when I come out in the morning,Enzo’s eyes are red, and his skin is back to that gray shade it was when he first arrived in Boston.
