“Don’t worry,” Axel says, and he flicks on the light.
Luca’s face is contorted and stained with tear tracks. He blinks in the bright light, then screams.
Axel’s face pales.
“I can take him,” I say.
“I’ve got him.” Axel scoops Luca into his arms, but Luca wriggles free and reaches for me.
“Oh.” Axel’s cheeks redden. “Uncle time.”
Luca squeezes his arms around my neck and cries. His small body shakes against mine, hot and damp with sweat. Axel looks stricken.
He’s never seen Luca cry like this before. I hesitate, unsure what he’ll think.
I know now that Axel didn’t abandon Luca, that he didn’t know Luca existed… but that doesn’t mean he wanted children.
“Did you have a nightmare?” I ask Luca.
Luca continues to cry.
I think Luca remembers the accident. He has to. He’s frightened every time he gets in a car. He was frightened of the traffic rug that Axel got for the room. Luca was in a rear-facing car seat, and he wasn’t injured. The truck hit Gaby on her side. Could he hear her crying? Whimpering? What did he see when the rescue workers pulled her out? Does he think she abandoned him? He was at her tiny funeral… but how much did he understand?
And he doesn’t talk.
I hold Luca in my arms, and Axel leaves. Does he wish he hadn’t opened his apartment to us? But then Axel returns with a tissue box that he places on Luca’s bedside table. He takes some tissues and dabs at Luca’s tiny, tear-stained cheeks and snotty nose.
“You’re safe now,” Axel tells Luca. “You’re with your uncle and daddy.”
Something twists in my gut when he says those words. Sometimes when we’re together, it feels like we’re an actual family, but Axel and I are only here because of Luca.
“You want a story, Luca?”
I take Luca’s iPad and pick out a story.
Axel watches, surprised. Maybe he didn’t notice it before.
I start to read, and finally Luca settles against me. He falls asleep, and Axel smiles.
We tiptoe out of the room, and I shut the door carefully.
“I’m sorry for falling asleep earlier,” I whisper. “Thank you for putting Luca to bed.”
It’s too dark to read his face.
“You don’t have to do it all by yourself, Enz.” He pads away.
I head toward the couch.
Crying sounds again.
I whirl around and head back to Luca’s room. Axel follows me just like before, then flicks on the light just like before.
“How can I help?” Axel asks.
“You can’t.” The words come out sharper than I intend.
Axel stiffens and when I glance back, he’s no longer there.
