“Purple?” Axel asks. “Orange?” His eyes glimmer. “I know! Polka dots!”
Luca stares.
Axel frowns and takes out his phone. He types something into it. Axel’s mind moves so quickly. It always has. Has he forgotten that he’s having a conversation with Luca? At least the one-sided version that all conversations with Luca lately are?
“See? These are polka dots, Luca.” He shows Luca something from his phone. “Don’t you think Enzo would look good in them?”
“I like black,” I grumble.
Axel shrugs. “I can get anything you want, Enz.”
My eyes round. That sort of sounded like….
No. This isn’t a date. It’s not like Axel is going shopping for me. He probably did for his girlfriends. And he knows I have plenty of money. I’m not the same penny-pinching eighteen-year-old he remembers.
Soon, we’re bundled up, minus the hats and gloves I definitely should have brought, and we’re heading out.
“There’s a kids’ store on Congress Street, and then we can go to Whole Foods for groceries. They’re both in walking distance.” Axel leans forward and whispers in my ear. “I ordered a new bed already. They’re going to deliver it while we’re out. Patricia is in on it.”
I smile.
Axel and I each take one of Luca’s little hands, while Axel chats the whole time about the neighborhood, how awesome it is, and how Luca is going to like it so much.
Pretty soon Axel is telling me to lift my arm up so Luca flies over all the puddles.
I didn’t take Luca for a walk when we were at that hotel. I just stayed in with him, waiting for nannies to come and go. Why hadn’t I thought about that? Everyone needs exercise, and I know that.
Luca’s cheeks are rosy red when we arrive at the kids’ store, and Axel quickly takes off Luca’s coat.
“Don’t want him to overheat,” Axel tells me.
Well, that’s smart too.
“Let’s get you some things for your room,” Axel tells Luca. “If you see something nice, just let me know, okay?”
Luca nods.
The store is bright and cheerful—half toys, half kids’ bedding and decor.
For some reason, Axel looks a bit wistful when he glances back at us, but he goes to a row of stuffed animals. “Teddy bears!”
“Nice,” I say.
“Here.” Axel crouches down with two teddy bears. “Which one do you prefer? Just point.”
Luca looks at them. His hand reaches out—then drops. He turns away.
My heart sinks. Maybe this was too much. Maybe we shouldn’t have?—
Luca points to a narrow column of nightlights: stars, animals, cartoon characters.
Luca points at one shaped like a crescent moon.
Axel follows him, crouching to his level. “You want a nightlight, buddy?”
Luca nods.
I think about all the nights he’s woken up crying in the dark. The way his screams would cut through the hotel room, and I’d stumble to him not knowing what to do, not knowing what he needed.
