I’d been confused.
“If I’d known Gaby was pregnant and wanted my help for anything, I would have provided it,” I tell Enzo. “You should have known you could ask me.”
He closes his eyes.
I’m pretty sure sperm donors aren’t normally involved in the whole child-rearing process, but I would have been happy to help, just like I was happy to help create Luca.
“I always liked Gaby,” I tell him. “She was really cool.”
He flinches like I’ve said something painful.
“We don’t have to do this,” he says. “Please.”
“We need to talk about this,” I say. “Communication is a good thing.”
“I’m about to go to work,” he says. “It’s stressful. Everything is stressful. Let’s not talk about this. I know it happened. I know you would do it differently now. I get it.”
“But—”
“Please?” Enzo’s voice is pained.
Right. I don’t want him to be actually unhappy. Not more than he is.
Maybe talking about Gaby reminds him that Gaby isn’t here, and yeah, that’s incredibly sad. I can understand why he doesn’t want to talk about her.
“I get it,” I say. “I’m sorry.”
He nods, but his eyes are no longer squeezed shut, and I take it as a victory.
“Want to go shopping after practice?” I ask.
He opens his eyes fully and looks at me.
“I wanted it to be perfect,” I say mournfully. “I can’t believe I got car-themed things.”
A chuckle escapes him. “I can’t believe you got him that either.”
I clutch my chest in mock offense. “Enzo! You were supposed to say, ‘you couldn’t have known, and being a dad is difficult’.”
Enzo giggles, then presses his lips together, startled.
He glances at me. “You know… You’re going to be a great father.”
The words land on my chest.
People think I’m silly and great at hockey, but those aren’t real. Being a good father is real, and Enzo is someone who has done his best to distance himself from me these past few years.
“I bought my son whose mother died in a car accident a car bed.”
“And you realized the problem at once. I’ve never seen anyone flip over a rug that quickly.”
I laugh. “Maybe I can start a rug store. Or non-car focused play mats!”
“Non-car focused play mats?”
I nod eagerly. “Like for horses and things. Horse trails. Or dinosaur valleys. Does Luca like dinosaurs?”
“I’m not sure,” Enzo says. “I didn’t see him that often. He has some dinosaur clothes, but he wasn’t one of those kids spouting facts.” He tilts his head, considering. “Though he’s two.”
