“What?”
“I mean, you both like each other, and you’re both attractive?—”
“Seriously?” Nora asks.
“Yeah? I mean, it would be convenient, like you said. It’s hard to find someone you really like hanging out with.”
Juliette rolls her eyes. “You mean, you want to imagine us together?”
“Um…” I shake my head. “That’s not what I said.”
“But that’s what you meant.” Juliette’s tone is condescending. “I know men.”
“I swear I wasn’t imagining you both together,” I promise, thankful neither of them are hockey fans.
“You can’t wish yourself attracted to someone.”
“But have you tried kissing? How do you know you’re not attracted to each other?”
“Because she’s a woman,” Juliette says in disbelief. “This would be like if we suggested that you hook up with one of your sports bro friends because you liked spending time together and are both the same age and reasonably attractive.”
“You think I’m reasonably attractive?” I wink.
Both women glare.
Okay, I’m clearly not going to succeed in changing the conversation.
I still don’t understand their point.
“So you would be like, physically repulsed by each other if you were in bed together?” I ask.
“Of course!”
“But you’re both beautiful.” And they are. Not people I ever want to meet again, but they’ve got the symmetrical faces and pretty figures down.
“You watch way too much lesbian porn,” Juliette says disapprovingly.
“I don’t!”
I’m not a porn guy. I normally don’t have any problems finding hook-ups. What’s a better way to end an evening than to hang out with my best bros at a sports bar, then hook up with someone appreciative?
Except now I’m older and my best bros aren’t here.
“You are objectifying us. You probably don’t want to do any work and like picturing us together.”
“I work hard.”
It’s not like it’s exactly easy to become an eight-figure NHL player. My body hurts every day.
But I don’t want to share too much of myself with them because I don’t trust them.
Still, they shouldn’t assume I don’t work.
“He has muscles,” Juliette says. “He probably thinks working out counts as working.”
The women laugh.
That was closer to reality than I wanted it to be. I could do an office job. It’s just, why make sixty grand a year when I can make twelve million a year and bring pleasure to people?
