Great. Excellent parenting, Bellanti. Invoke the darkness. Very soothing.
“Want another story?” I ask.
He stares at me.
The silence where his voice should be is unbearable.
Luca used to talk. He used to chatter. He had opinions on things.
But now he doesn’t say anything at all. He just… feels.
My cheerful voice is a lie. We both know it.
I pull up theLord of the Ringssoundtrack on my phone and findThe Shiresong.
Axel used to play it in the dorm when we studied, insisting it helped him focus, and I’d never even bothered to pretend to be annoyed by it, even though fiddle-and-flute melodies were never my go-to music choice.
I hum along, off-key, moving Luca’s hands up and down to the rhythm, and Luca’s sobs slow.
“That’s it,” I murmur. “The Shire. Where hobbits live. They eat seven meals a day. You’d like it there.”
He hiccups. His eyes are still wet, but he’s watching me.
I smirk. He’s his dad’s son.
I kiss his forehead and lie with him until his breath evens out as the happy melody, soft and unhurried, fills the room.
When he finally sleeps, I carry him to the other room, where Ariana is waiting.
The music is still in my head.
For a moment it feels like I’m still at my desk studying, drinking vodka orange to keep myself alert and filled with vitamin C—Axel’s idea, and I smile.
Then I remember that Axel said something negative about me, and the smile dies. I go to my phone and open X.
A clip of Axel plays at once, and I swallow uncomfortably. The algorithm knows that I go to his page too often. But then it’s good to know what one’s enemies are doing. That’s all.
If Harry had had X, I’m sure he would have spent a lot of time on Draco’s X page too.
The clip starts playing.
Axel speaks confidently to the camera. How does he manage to look good in tunnels with fluorescent lighting?
The screen glows too bright in the dark room. My thumb hovers over Axel’s face, and I stare at that cocky grin, the jawline, the way he looks directly into the camera like he’s daring someone to challenge him.
Axel’s voice comes through on my phone speaker. I turn the volume down, so it won’t wake Luca.
I watch his mouth move as he tells the reporter that I am bad for the team and that he thinks we’re going to lose because of me.
Well, that didn’t come true at all.
We won.
I smile. The game was the highlight of my month so far. The only time I managed to focus on something besides the pain of losing my sister.
My smile soon vanishes. Tomorrow we have to travel out of state. I need to speak to Axel, and he hates me even more than I thought.
When Luca wakes up crying, I realize I haven’t managed to sleep at all.
