“It’s fine. I’ll bring him to you if he falls asleep.”
She tilts her head. “Have you heard about sleep training? Where you let him cry at night to get used to you not being there?”
“He already has to get used to the fact that his mother is never going to return. He doesn’t need to think that he’s in a dark room, and that I don’t care if he’s crying.”
“Millions of parents do it.”
I press my lips together. “It’s not for me.”
“Very well.” She gives me a polite smile that says I’m naïve.
I need a different situation for Luca.
The plan was simple: premium agency, find the nanny Luca likes best, hire her permanently. But the rotating nannies aren’tworking. Luca was crying when I arrived, and my thousand-dollar-a-day expert didn’t notice his pants were wet.
Luca hasn’t responded to any of the nannies. He had his mother before, and he should have her now.
My eyes burn suddenly.
Gaby wasn’t supposed to die. She should be here.
I vow to be the best uncle I possibly can for Luca, but I’m not sure I’m capable of doing it.
I hope so. I have to.
So far, I’m failing at everything.
How am I supposed to make these decisions to raise him? Maybe she’s right, and Luca will settle faster if I don’t come to him when he cries. Maybe there are valid reasons why parents do that. Isn’t she supposed to be the expert?
Sure, my gut tells me not to do it… But has my gut been trained on the best information?
I hesitate.
My gut works for hockey. Does it work for other parts of my life?
But even though it would be easy to acquiesce, when experts are telling me they know better, I’ve seen Luca cry. I don’t want him to be terrified when I can somewhat ease his burden.
I need to buy some how-to-be-a-parent books.
But I’m not Luca’s parent.
I don’t have official custody of him.
I wasn’t supposed to take him out of California. I’m his closest relative, and Boston is where my job is, but that might not matter.I can already picture the headline: NHL STAR KIDNAPS NEPHEW. The photo will be unflattering. They always are.
Could Luca be taken by the state? Could he be put in an orphanage? A foster home?
No. Surely not.
I have the money to provide for him.
But I need to speak with Axel. He wasn’t present for Gaby. Maybe he’ll be happy to sign away custody to me.
Yes.
I pick up Luca. “You’re supposed to go to sleep now, bud. It’s late. See how dark it is outside.”
His eyes round. Now he looks scared.
