Because now we were in this together.
I snuffed out the last flickering candle. Smoke curled upward like a dying oath.
There was symmetry in it all: Arthur—blind to the ghost in his court—a woman wrapped in steel, slipping past every safeguard he trusted.
By the time I lay down, the plan was clear.
I'd continue to watch her closely, and when the time was right, I’d strike.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
-LANCE-
"This is madness," I muttered, flinging aside my twisted bedsheets and rising to splash cold water onto my face from the basin near the bed.
My chambers—spacious and befitting Arthur's First Knight—felt suddenly oppressive, as though the walls conspired to trap me in thoughts I could no longer outrun. Outside, the castle slept beneath the hush of the predawn hour, cloaking my turmoil in unwanted solitude.
Since the Hunt Trial, I had not known peace.
My mind returned to Lioran with obsessive regularity, his presence haunting me like a wound that refused to scab over. I couldn’t explain it—this infernalpull, like something lodged beneath my skin, something I could no longer ignore. No battlefield cry had ever echoed louder in my ears than the simple truth he’d confessed:he had a secret.
I’d claimed I didn’t want to know it. I said it would be better left unsaid.
But that was a lie. A coward’s answer, born of fear.
Fear of what he might admit—that he…desired men. That he mightonlydesire men. And more—that he desired me.
The thought had returned to me—indeed, it had never left my mind, threading through my thoughts like poison. I’d lain awake, playing out conversation after conversation, imagining the truths he might keep tucked away behind that careful, guarded expression. Each imagined confession stirred something in me I didn’t understand—something that both repelled and drew me in.
I'd been terrified that his truth would be revealed in the Riddle of Blood Trial. And that he would suffer for it. How he'd escaped the trial without that secret laid bare, I did not know. But I had to admit I was grateful because the thought of what would have awaited him if it had been brought to light—well, it was too much to bear.
Now, though, I had to know his secret, his truth.
Why Ineededto know this, I couldn’t say. Perhaps there was a part of me that believed if Lioranwasdrawn only to men, then there must be some magic at work where I was concerned—that he hadbewitchedme somehow.
Because the alternative…
The alternative was unthinkable.
I, who had only ever craved women and had built a life around discipline and control, could not explain why a soft-voiced, small-framed knight now lingered in the corners of my mind like a song I couldn’t forget. The idea thathe—of all people—had somehow reached through the steel and ceremony of who I was andtouched something rawunsettled me more than any battlefield ever had.
I'd fought sorcerers. I'd faced monsters, curses, and the dark unknown.
But this—this quiet, gnawing confusion—was the thing that could unmake me.
And I couldn't endure it any longer.
By midday, I had gone through the motions of duty with all the clarity of a man sleepwalking—overseeing drills with the King's Guard, reviewing formations, and sitting stone-faced through a council meeting I couldn’t recall. My mind was elsewhere, spinning the same treacherous orbit.
Finally, a cold resolve took shape in my chest.
I would search Lioran’s quarters.
When he was occupied elsewhere—training perhaps, or tending to his horse—I would slip in, look for something,anythingthat might explain the secret he kept so tightly bound: a letter, a token, a symbol. Something that would cast light on this secret he harbored, which I was convinced would lead me to the reason why I could not stop thinking about him.
The plan sat like lead in my gut.
It was a violation of the knight’s code, a betrayal of the trust we swore to uphold. But I told myself it was necessary, that I could no longer serve Arthur effectively while this… thisdistractionruled my every waking moment.
