She furrowed her brow. “My trucker list? What’s that?”
He cocked his head. “Isn’t that what humans call the, like, last things they want to do with their time?”
She laughed. “Bucket list. The things you want to do before you die. Trucker list? Where did you get that? Do you even know what a trucker is?”
He smiled, his hands drifting over her hips. “Your mind just told me. I have no idea where I heard it. I picked it up wrong.”
“Clearly.” She reached for the buttons on his pants, backing him out of the room. “Yes, there is one thing left on my trucker list. I want to fuck you on all the seating areas theFallenthink is safe and not tell them until after they’ve used them.”
A river of diamonds ran around Tarian’s pupils. She watched in fascination. With each new reveal, this Celestial became more handsome, more interesting to look at.
“Before we do that, it’s time to set some things straight.” He led her to the couch and settled in. “I owe you answers.”
She took a deep breath and nodded. She didn’t need to voice the questions again. She knew he remembered.
“I always could’ve stormed the king’s chambers,” he admitted, and her middle tightened. She wondered if she wanted to ruin her last night with the truth. “I always could’ve come for you—tried to save you—but it wouldn’t have done any good. Because of his hold over me, I couldn’t hurt him. With those obsidian discs in my back, I couldn’t hurt any of the royal family. If I could’ve killed them, believe me, they would’ve been dead a long time ago. TheFallencouldn’t either. Nor could any of us tell someone else how to free me—and them through me.”
She nodded. She’d figured some of that out. And now she knew the reason he hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t given her the plan. He couldn’t. It had to be her, but she had to do it on her own. Very tricky of the gods.
It was his turn to nod, having heard her thoughts. “We couldn’t hire someone, or outright ask someone, to kill him on our behalf. We had to wait for someone to do it on their own.” He sighed. “Well, we waited. And waited. But the unrest here, especially in the beginning when the magic was starting to twist, never yielded any results. Sure, there were rumors, but nothing happened. The king never missed a court gathering. Never missed a day sitting on his throne. Never looked wounded or hurt. Clearly, that was the magic, but we didn’t know that. I began to lose hope.”
He brought his hand up to trace his thumb along her chin.
“Then I found the crystal chalice, someone with incredible training and the right amount of viciousness—hard to find among humans, especially non-magical ones. I should know, I’ve looked. Your trainer’s upbringing must’ve helped—and his fae blood. His own viciousness, honed by his past. He then passed all that on to you, a human he knew could handle it. He knew you were special without knowing about the chalice.Or much about fae. But I wasn’t sure you could do it. Without telling you what was needed, I had no idea how I’d get you in front of the king. Or if you’d accomplish the goal when I did. If you could.”
“You didn’t even know I could null magic or siphon it.”
“No. The odds were that you would die, and it would addyearsto my search while a new crystal chalice was formed. I was prepared to wait. To learn from your failings and help train another to be better prepared.”
“You were taking me to slaughter.”
“Yes.” His eyes held deep remorse. “In the beginning, when in the human lands, I didn’t care. Not totally. You’d be sacrificed for the greater good. I was attracted to you—attractiondoesn’t even describe it—but I thought it was because of the chalice magic. Even before you had it, I assumed it must be that. It made it easier.”
“Made what easier? Dragging me to my doom?”
He didn’t even hesitate. “Yes.”
She sat back, her heart aching, but didn’t let him know that.
His eyes were so deep, so full of regret. “In the beginning, I didn’t care if I lost you.” He said it without flinching. “I had a job to do. One human wouldn’t stand in my way of doing it. I was attracted, as I said. I thought of you all the time, dreamt of you, couldn’t wait to see you again—that kiss nearly undid me—but despite that, I knew what must be done. Had to be, for myFallen,for my family, and for this realm. I would sacrifice you…and myself. I had no hesitation.”
Heat pricked the backs of her eyes. Her heart ached to hear all of this, even though at that time, she’d known it. She’d known his intentions, his ruthlessness, and she hadn’t balked at his cruelty. Now…it broke her in a way that the king never could’ve.
“But somewhere along the way…” His voice reduced to a whisper. “No, not somewhere. I know exactly when. Themoment you decided to trust me in crossing the fringe, things changed. Everything changed. I started to slip in my motivations.” He licked his lips. “To fall. We had attraction in the beginning, but it wasn’t the gods. It was what any two strangers might have. It was mutual interest. It was a feeling. It was surface level.”
It was what Lexi and Kieran had had, despite their situation and his actions. Despite the danger. Daisy remembered looking on in confused wariness that Lexi would be so stupid as to be interested in a guy like him. As far as she was concerned, Lexi had been out of her mind. Completely illogical.
She got it now.
“The moment we stepped over the threshold as a team,” Tarian continued, “what was surface level grew roots. Depth. Deeper and deeper as we battled together. As we made choices to help the other—I didn’t save you from those poisoned thorns because you were the chalice. At that moment, I wasn’t thinking at all. I just knew I couldn’t bear to lose you. I couldn’t continue to exist if I had to witness seeing the vicious light dim in those beautiful eyes.” He swallowed. “I did it to protect you. The more I’ve gotten to know you, listened to your thoughts, reveled in your fire, the more I’ve fallen. Until the other morning, when you learned about my trials in this court and vowed to burn it all to the ground on my behalf… That was the instant I knew.”
She barely dared to breathe. “Knew what?”
“I knew I was irrevocably, undeniably in love with you. That I wanted to mark you, not as my property, but as my mate. And that I wanted to be marked by you.”
Her breath caught as she flattened her hand against her chest. “This means I’m your mate?”
He didn’t answer for a moment. Didn’t break eye contact. “That design doesn’t, no. That’s merely a promise. A promise that I will not be long in following you into the afterlife. Becausewhen you go, I will be a hollowed-out creature. You will have taken my soul with you. My heart. I will merely finish my duty, and then I will find you again. If you are reborn, I will return, only so I can meet you anew. So that we can fall in love naturally, without all this shit around us, and have a chance at the forever that is currently denied to us.”
