“Mind over matter.”
“That doesn’t work with the bottom of a person’s feet. There is no mind control capable of cutting out how much that tickles.”
I rolled my eyes, laughing. “I can stop the effects of drugs. Tell me why I couldn’t stop the effects of someone tickling the bottom of my feet.”
“Different thing. Ticklish feet transcend the mind.”
My smile felt glued on. I settled my forehead between his shoulder blades again, back to tracing his muscles.
“How did you learn to do that, by the way?” he asked. “Cutting out the effect?”
“Are you sure you want yet another depressing story?”
“Lay it on me.”
“You asked for it.” I sighed. “I always try every batch of product. Drug, I guess?—“
“Product. We’ll use drugs for what Granny has put out into the world.”
“She’s just altering what I give her, but sure. Anyway, one time the journey took a sharp left and before I knew it, I was reliving my mother’s death. Only this time, I was burning alive with her. In desperation, I... found my way out. I envisioned scrubbing my blood free of the chemicals and seeing clearly again. Somehow, it worked. From then on, my hobby was figuring out how to repeat what I’d done, and then getting good at it. Mind over matter.”
“That’s incredible. And you did that with Granny’s... altered product?”
“Yes, except I realized there is a very important distinction. My product is safe to take in multiple doses—that waxy stuff is not. I don’t think I am scrubbing the effects from my body, I’m ignoring the effects somehow. I must be, right? Because that waxy stuff did not go away. It hung around, and when I put more of that poison into my bloodstream, it took me down.”
My mind drifted in that direction again.
“What sort of poisonous effect would be so incredibly addictive?” I murmured. “I took another of Granny’s doses last night?—“
“You didwhat?”
Weston’s sharp tone stopped me up short.
“What?” I said stupidly.
Anger blistered in each word. “You took another of those doses last night?When?”
I froze, suddenly uncomfortable. The guy could be intimidating when he wanted to be.
“Um... last night after dinner? I figured I should have a full stomach for it because of that waxy stuff.”
“Are you fucking serious?” He was off the horse in a blink. I barely had enough time to register him reaching for me before I was ripped off the back of the horse and set on my feet. He leaned down into my face, his tone icy. “You would’ve died yesterday, Aurelia. If we hadn’t given you the phoenix enhanced elixir, you would’ve died. We have precious little left and it’s not safe to bring out your animal to help you heal. If you take more of that poison, there is a damn good chance you’ll die. Is that what our sacrifice means to you?”
His anger was contagious. I was no longer a captive, not like before. I’d have a say in my life, especially in the parts that held the potential for danger.
“Yoursacrifice?” I demanded. “Is that what you call it when you bash my head in? You used one of your precious elixirs for that, didn’t you?”
I’d asked Hadriel about it, and was riveted to learn how a phoenix came to be.
“You are not to take more of those drugs,” he said in a vicious tone.
“You don’t get to tell me what to do,” I spat back. “You have pack members suffering from a loss created by those drugs. I played a part in that. I’ll be damned if I don’t do everything in my power to at leasttryto make it right. In order to know what I’m up against, I have to understand it. In order to understand it, I have to know the effects it has on the body. To properly study the effects, I have to take it. I think I’ve gotten a handle on how long it stays in the bloodstream. It’s kind of like alcohol, I think, but the addiction is a cumulative effect. I’m starting to crave?—“
He grabbed my arm and marched me farther into the trees until we were standing on our own, without an audience.
“Are you out of your fucking mind?” he demanded in a low growl. “You’re putting yourself at risk, and we don’t have the resources to keep pulling you out. You’re starting to crave it? What happens when you get fully addicted? You’re already malnourished from that horror village. You can’t stand to eat much less and I won’t let you put yourself in harm’s way to combat an unfeeling organization that would gladly throw you back into its production like just another faceless cog. If you don’t stop, I’ll be forced to strip you of your things and tie you up, if need be. I won’t allow you to continue this madness.”
“You’d strip me of my things and tie—” I narrowed my eyes at him. “You can’t control me, so you’re going to force me to be a prisoner again, is that it? You’re the alpha—you get what you want by any means necessary.” I lifted my eyebrows in question. “People fall in line or people are forced in line, right?”
