He reached into his pocket, but before I could see what he was pulling out, one of the women beside us lost her balance when the heel of her shoe broke off. She stumbled into him, and whatever he’d been holding bounced onto the floor. A hush settled over those around us when it stopped moving enough to see that it was a little blue velvet box. During its bouncing, the box had snapped open. And inside, winking at me in the low lights, sat the rose ring from the shop window.
I seemed incapable of doing anything but staring, open-mouthed, at the ring, but Derrick, smooth as always, leaned over and swiped up the box. Then, ignoring the onlookers and the excited whispers, he took my hand and led me outside.
The air was surprisingly chilly for a late summer night, but for once, I welcomed it. The evening…it had been so magical. But with the cool air came the stark reminder of what my ever-sensical mind had been trying to warn me of since the table ceremony. And before I could get control of myself like any sane person, I burst into tears.
“Jessie!” Derrick was at my side, wiping the tears from my face, his eyes wide. “Before you say anything, just know that I didn’t mean—”
“No,” I sobbed. “Derrick, that’s the problem.”
He stared at me.
“It’s perfect,” I whispered tearfully, waving my hand back at the building. “All of it. It’s all perfect, like a dream, and that’s the problem.”
He frowned down at the little box in his hand. “I don’t understand.”
“I mean, this is everything I ever could have dreamed of. Here and now. But Derrick, this isn’t real life.”
“I still don’t follow.”
“What I mean is that tonight…it’s beautiful. And romantic. And perfect. And you…gosh, you look like you belong on some vintage poster.”
“And that’s…bad?”
“No! You’re not letting me finish! What I mean is what next? This…tonight. It’s all just a lie to dress up the truth about this kind of life.”
He gave a harsh laugh. “And what exactly are we lying about?”
“This life! You’re always leaving and changing work schedules, and the government owns you before your own family does. And people…people die.”
“I still don’t see the lie. This is the military. Yeah, the life is hard. No one ever said it wasn’t. That was kind of the point of the empty table.”
“But it tries to paint a picture. All these beautiful people and smiling faces. But no one mentions the constant moving and uprooting the kids and giving birth away from your family and maybe your spouse, and when your husband deploys even though you’re already stationed in Europe, and then you die. And I’m left with the kids alone across the ocean from my family.” I sobbed even harder, but the words wouldn’t quit spilling out. “The military can try to paint and polish life up all it wants, but none of that’s in the manual.”
“Jessie…” He huffed then groaned. “My job isn’t technically that dangerous. Not nearly as bad as others, at least. When I’m gone, I’ll be fixing planes, not rushing into enemy—”
“But you can’t guarantee that!”
“Look.” He stepped closer, and the light in his eyes was no longer gentle. “This job is a part of who I am. It has to be. When you put on the uniform and swear to serve the Commander and Chief with your life, it becomes a part of you, whether you like it or not.” His voice softened slightly. “But you’re only looking at the hard parts. There’s so much good, too! I’m going to take you all over the world to all those places you’re constantly reading to Jade about. You said you wanted an adventure. Well, I can give you one. I can give you more adventures than you can count.”
I tried to think of something to say, but the part of my brain that should have come up with more words felt broken. Unfortunately, he seemed to take this as encouragement to go on.
“Is this life easy? No. You have to be a strong person to live it. But that’s why I want you. You’re strong and smart, and you make life beautiful.” He reached up and brushed a lock of hair out of my eyes. And it felt so good it hurt. “Come with me,” he whispered again. “Be my partner in crime. We’ll see the world and set it on fire as we go.”
For one moment, I was sure I could. Because I wanted this. In fact, I wanted more than this. I wanted to wake up beside him in the morning. I did want to see the world, and I wanted him to kiss me silly every night while we did it. I wanted to carry his children and to grow old and gray together. Because there would never be anyone like Derrick Allen.
But as I thought about growing old and gray, my mind drifted back to the empty chair at the Table of the Missing Man. My parents’ faces. The faces of our children when I had to tell them Daddy wouldn’t be coming home.
“I’m not ready,” I whispered.
“What?”
“I said…I said I’m not ready.”
He ran a hand down the front of his face and took a step back. “Jessie…”
“And that’s another thing. I don’t understand the hurry! We only met two months ago. Why can’t we just take this slow and—”
“The hurry is that I’m deploying in a week.”
