“She did. But it was a long fight, and we nearly lost her several times. Then it came back last year.” I shivered, despite the warm, humid air. “She’s technically in remission, but she still has to go back for checkups quite a bit.”
“And that scares you.” It wasn’t a question.
I drew in a shaky breath and twirled the food around with my fork. “The rules are my anchor. I made them up so I could confidently start a relationship that would be stable, should I ever actually find one I could start. That way, if something happens, and my dad loses his insurance or something like that, I can not only pay for my mom’s treatments, but I can take care of both my parents, and I’d be sure to have a guy who would support me in that.” I paused. “It’s why I have to get this degree.” My food was getting cold, and it didn’t taste nearly as good as it did when we started eating.
“But…” Derrick looked out over the river. “Is that what they want you to do?”
“Does it matter?” I stabbed the chicken.
A few minutes of silence passed before he spoke again.
“You know,” he leaned back in his chair and folded his hands behind his head. “When my dad had his latest heart episode, it terrified me. I’d just moved out here, and now I had to make sure that I was Jade’s legal guardian. My parents didn’t ask me to take that responsibility, but I knew that Jade needed me.”
“Were they always like this?” I asked, glad to have the conversation off of me. “So busy, I mean.”
“Actually, they were really involved when I was little. My dad coached my baseball team, and my mom came to all our games and practices. Then their business took off about the time I turned eleven or twelve. And as soon as we had money, they suddenly got everything they wanted.”
“But not what you wanted.”
He gave me a sad smile. “I got extracurricular lessons galore and trips to the Bahamas and exposure to all sorts of culture they thought I’d been deprived of before we could afford it.” He looked down at his styrofoam box, which was empty now. “When Jade came along, it was a real shock. They thought they were done having kids since they hadn’t been able to have any more after I was born. But by then, they were so set in their fast-paced, workaholic lifestyles that they just couldn’t give it up.”
“So you know how hard it is,” I leaned forward, “to be what others don’t think you need to be.”
“I do.” He leaned forward, too. “And I think there has to be a way for you to live your life while helping them the way they need.”
I gave him a wry smile. “You mean have my cake and eat it, too.” I laughed a little. “You sound like my mother.”
Instead of answering, he stood and took the box from my hands and laid it on the ground before pulling me to my feet. My breath hitched as he kept my left hand in his and pulled me close with his right.
“Your mother,” he said in a low, gravelly voice, “is a smart woman. You should listen to her.”
“My mother doesn’t know what is good for her.” I fought to keep my voice even as the heat from his body reached mine as we stood just inches apart. Being this close to him was messing with my focus.
“Neither do you.”
I made a face at him, but his grip on mine only tightened, and the intensity in his eyes didn’t diminish.
“Tell me,” he breathed in my ear. My knees nearly gave out. “What would you do now if your mother had never gotten cancer and was perfectly healthy?”
“I don’t know.” I really didn’t. I was too mesmerized by being this close to him.
“Use your imagination.”
“Well,” I swallowed, “I…I suppose it sounds glorious and frightening at the same time.” And it did. All the possibilities. My safety net of excuses gone.
He smiled. “That sounds a lot like a fairy tale. But come on.” His voice grew deeper once more. “What keeps you from living life as it is now? Instead of living life five or eight years in the past? What are you so afraid of?”
“In truth?” I whispered. The possibilities were endless. Losing my mom. Losing my dad. Losing my dad’s insurance to pay for my mom’s treatments. My dad working too hard. Failing at teaching. Not making it through the master’s degree.
Falling for a man I knew I shouldn’t have.
“So much,” I whispered again.
He closed the last few inches between us until I was pressed against his chest. And as if that weren’t enough of a shock, he touched his lips to my temple. I closed my eyes as he placed a gentle kiss on my skin. I wanted to fly and melt at the same time, though I’d be happy if walking were still an option after he released me.
I’d never been kissed, but if it was anything as nice as this, I might just pass out when I got my first real kiss. The most romantic gesture I’d ever seen on the big screen had been in the movie when the beast had touched Belle’s hair. But in this moment in time, Beauty and the Beast had nothing on Derrick.
“Aren’t you afraid you’ll never live?” he whispered. I stared at him, unable to move or even speak. He just gave me a small smile, folded up the chairs, threw the boxes away in a nearby trash can, and held out his hand before leading me back to the car.
