“Well, I was going to say pretty, but if you prefer the others, they work just as well.”
For one of the first times in my life, I didn’t know what to say. Annoying as it was, I was just as flustered as the first time he’d called me pretty at the equine center. So I folded my arms and sat back to watch Jade giggle as she chased my dad with another sparkler as my mother tried to stop her.
“Well,” he put his hands behind his head, “we’ve already established that you’re disgustingly ugly. But there’s got to be something else.” He sat back and studied me in a way that was slightly unnerving. “And I’m betting it’s your fault.”
I kept my eyes on Jade.
“I’m right, aren’t I?” His eyes went wide. “Well, what is it?”
“I’m not telling you. You called me ugly.”
“And pretty. I also called you pretty. So hand it up.”
“Ask her about her rules,” my mom called from the end of the drive.
“Mom!” I shouted. How had she heard that?
“Ask her—” My mom’s voice quivered with excitement. “No, wait. Even better. I’ll get them.”
“Mom, what are you doing?” I watched in horror as my mother ran into the house and came back thirty seconds later with my newest planner.
“That’s mine!” I made a grab for it, but my mother tossed it to Derrick, who caught it with ease.
“Look at the third page, ,” my mother said as she went back out to Jade, her eyes sparkling mischievously. “It’s titledDating Rules.”
I made a grab for the paper once more, but he swatted me away and turned to the page my mother had directed. I sat back and pulled my feet up on the seat, where I hid my face in my legs.
“Wow. Ouch.” He let out a whistle. “No wonder you’re single. One, no airmen. Two, must be gainfully employed. Three, must have a useful skillset. Four, has to make the first move. Five, must be a Christian. Six, must want kids. And there’s eighteen of these?”
“They’re not in any particular order,” I mumbled. “Just wrote them as they came to me.”
He held my planner up and waved it in my face. “If this is what you’re waiting for, then this,” he said, pointing to Jade, “is the closest your parents will ever be to grandparents.”
“That’s not true. Men like this exist.”
“I’ll give them visitation rights if you’d like.” He grinned at me. “They can be honorary grandparents whenever they want.”
“Give me that.” I made a grab for the planner. And missed.
“Okay,” he said, “some of those I get. I mean, I don’t think it’s ridiculous that he be the one to ask you out. Christian is good. Having a stable job is good. Not having a DUI record is good, too.” He lifted his hands. “But come on. ‘Must tolerate Jane Austen audiobooks. Must exercise at least four times a week on principle. Must be clean-shaven.” He shook his head. “Jessie, these are ridiculous.”
“You didn’t ask about the first one.” I snatched it back and hugged it to my chest.
“No airmen.” He folded his arms. “You got something against the Air Force?”
“No.” I hugged my planner to my chest. “It’s military in general. I just said airmen because that’s the kind of people I have to fend off around here.”
He started to answer then froze, and an evil grin came to his face. “Is this rule because of me? Do I have some sort of charm that put my rule right at the top?”
“No.” I stuck my tongue out. “That one was there way before you.”
“So I trust there’s an actual reason for it?”
I raised my chin. “Yes. There actually is.”
He started to shake his head when he went still as a dead man. Then he moaned and leaned back, scrunching his eyes shut.
“What is it?” I asked, hoping he hadn’t gotten food poisoning from our beer or popcorn. He looked nearly sick.
