Of course, my mother was a little peeved with me at first for changing our usual tradition, which was to watch School of Rock while eating red, white, and blue popcorn covered in white chocolate with sprinkles. But the moment she heard that my two charges were without parents, in spite of the fact that Derrick was twenty-five, she was rolling out the red carpet. My dad was sent to the store to buy sparklers and snacks, and I was put to work cleaning.
They arrived around five and were promptly stuffed with every kind of snack and grilled meat imaginable. Then as soon as it was dark, my mom and dad took Jade out to the end of the drive to do sparklers. They were like two kids again, laughing and exclaiming as they did silly things for Jade. Derrick and I sat in the folding chairs at the edge of the garage to watch.
“Are you sure you’re not worried about my parents doing that with her?” I glanced at him.
But to my surprise, he just shook his head and shrugged. “Nah. They’re fine.”
“Are you serious?” I sat up.
“What?” He laughed.
“It took me weeks to earn your trust! And you’re fine with my parents? Just like that?”
“Well,” he took a swig of beer, “they did keep you alive this long. But you don’t have any kids, so…”
“I was responsible for your sister for an entire school year! And not just keeping her alive. I had to educate her, too. And twenty-plus other kids at the same time!”
His smile was genuine now. “Look, I can honestly say that your whole family has made it into the circle of trust.”
I quirked an eyebrow. “Once you realized I wasn’t going to murder your sister in her sleep.”
“Once the nannycam proved me right.”
My mouth dropped. “You nannycammed me?” I slapped his arm, and he laughed even harder before reaching over and poking my arm.
“What was that for?” I swatted his hand away.
“Just to poke your buttons.”
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help smiling as he chuckled to himself just a little too hard. But when the chuckle was gone, that light in his eyes was gone, too.
“Hey.” I leaned forward slightly to see him better. “You okay?”
“Yeah, I just…this is what’s getting me.” He frowned down at his hands. It sounded to me like he’d been having this conversation with himself all day, but I was the first person he had the chance to actually tell.
“I don’t even feel that heartbroken. Not like I thought I would. And I guess that makes me feel…guilty? Like, what if we’d gone through with it, and I realized I felt this way after?”
“Well,” I said slowly, hoping I didn’t sound too trite. “You didn’t go through with it, though. Maybe God was…I don’t know. Sparing you that heartbreak so you wouldn’t have to feel like that when it was all over.”
He gave me a pacifying smile, but his eyes didn’t meet mine. “That won’t matter to them.”
“Your parents?”
He nodded.
“You didn’t get the chance to tell them. They didn’t give you the chance.”
He shook his head. “Nothing I do is good enough for them. And I didn’t even realize that’s not normal until I went to college and started meeting friends with families like yours. I spent a couple holidays away from home, and it dawned on me that some parents are actually proud of their kids.”
My heart twisted as he talked. My parents had pushed me, for sure. And there had been a few report cards as a kid where I’d gotten the lecture about using study time wisely. But never in my life had I doubted their satisfaction in my accomplishments. In fact, their confidence was the reason for a number of my undertakings, such as grad school.
“But I kept going,” he continued, “until my junior year of college. Dad had an episode with his heart. The doctor said it was from stress…big surprise. And it hit me that my parents weren’t getting any younger. Mom was forty-two when Jade was born, and I came to the realization that if something happened to them, I would be completely responsible for Jade.”
“I’m curious,” I said cautiously. “Your dad said the job would have paid three times what you’re making now. Wouldn’t that have helped Jade?”
“In five or ten years, maybe. But a lot of young interns in my field were barely able to survive. I didn’t know what I’d do if I ended up in charge of a medically delicate kid. And she really was delicate when she was little. She had heart problems and everything for a while. I didn’t have insurance, and I wouldn’t have been able to take time off with her. And I definitely wouldn’t be able to afford daycare. Not the kind she would need.”
“So you joined the Air Force.” I stared at my popcorn. “That doesn’t seem like it would have a whole lot of benefits for her.”
