47
The Long Haul
Jessie
We did not ask the pastor to marry us then and there. Largely because I still wanted my fairy tale wedding, and also because our mothers would have killed us. Instead, we settled for the week after school got out, two days before Derrick was scheduled to PCS.
Though I’d dreaded the thought of leaving in all my imaginings and dreams, the day I turned in my resignation, I realized I didn’t feel a lick of remorse.
“Is this what I think it is?” Mr. Matthews asked when I handed him the folder in his makeshift office. Well, everything was makeshift. After the school was demolished, the district had sent out a bunch of portable classrooms to finish the year in.
“It is.” I smiled.
He studied me for a moment before nodding. “Good for you.”
I laughed. “I honestly thought I’d feel a lot worse about this than I do.”
“I’m not sure if I should take that as a compliment or not, but I’ll just chalk it up to your happiness.”
“And that,” I grinned, “is exactly it.”
He tilted his head. “What about your degree?”
I fingered the hem of my sleeve. “I never actually applied. I mean, I was accepted, but that was the farthest I could get myself to go.” I shrugged. “I guess I needed a chance to just live for a little while. You know?”
He looked at my resignation letter and smiled. “I actually do.”
My mom and Derrick’s mom became inseparable overnight. They were slightly put out with me for having purchased a wedding dress on my own years before…the one frivolous purchase I’d made in college without telling a soul. That is, until they saw it for themselves. Princess cut with a gold tint and light pink roses embroidered into the sheer lace that lay atop layers and layers of golden-white tulle that floated centimeters above the ground. Layered silk hung off each shoulder, and the bodice sparkled with crystals. It was like every book and movie I’d ever read sewn into one.
Madison was the one part of my life that marred my shining bliss. She and I hadn’t spoken much since I’d turned Sam down. After a year of being nearly inseparable, I had no idea who to make my bridesmaids. And once again, I was reminded of just how much I’d cut myself off from other people since I’d begun teaching.
One afternoon, just a few days after getting engaged to Derrick, however, someone knocked on my door. I nearly fell over when Madison was the one standing there. She shifted from one foot to the other and clutched at her purse strap.
“Jessie—”
“Madison—”
I did my best to smile. “You go first.”
She took a deep breath, and her eyes never left the floor. “I…I’m here to say sorry. I’ve been cold and distant, and I kept thinking I knew what was best for you.”
Enough to ignore me for six months? I wanted to ask. Instead, I just nodded. “You did sometimes. A lot of times, actually.”
She shook her head. “Nothing that deserved the treatment I gave you. I guess…I suppose I was jealous.”
I blinked. “Jealous?”
“You had a whole list of guys you wouldn’t go out with, and Sam was waiting there in the wings. And you know my track record with men. And I just…I wanted us to go on being what we were forever. But you refusing him meant things were going to change. And I didn’t want change.” A tear ran down her face. “I know I can act like I’ve got it all together a lot, but I really don’t. You two were my steady rocks. Without you, I guess I didn’t know quite where I belonged in the world anymore. That made me angry, and I took it out on you. And by the time I realized how awful I’d been, too much time had passed to make it up to you.” She drew in a shuddery breath. “But the tornado was what really opened my eyes.” She shrugged. “Since then, I’ve been trying to get my courage up to apologize to you, but it’s taken this long, and I nearly didn’t come today—”
I pulled her into a hug. “I miss you,” I whispered.
“You’re not mad?” She sniffled.
I probably should be. I should be furious. But I couldn’t be. My life was falling into place, and all I was missing was my friend.
“What can I do to make it up to you?” she whimpered.
“Just be happy for me,” I whispered.
