“To forget that any of it happened and move on with my life.” “I cannot do that if everyone is constantly haranguing him.”
“Very well. But know that I am only staying my anger on your account.”
“Thank you. Now you really must get on the road.” Vivian waved Cecily away, watching the carriage disappear down the country lane.
The familiar numbness stole over her, making the gray day seem even grayer. She looked at the cottage. It was beautiful, right in the heart of the lake district with gorgeous scenery surrounding it, and everything one could ever want.
But it held no joy for her. Vivian was not convinced that anything ever would.Stop being so dramatic.She knew that as soon as she opened the door, she would be reminded of him. That Henrietta would fuss over her.
That she would listen to the sound of the hills, the silence around her, and imagine hoofbeats.He is not going to come.She pulled her coat more tightly around her and began to walk.
“Perhaps the fresh air will do me good,” she muttered to herself.
Thunder boomed in the distance, and the more sensible part of her wanted to go home. The part was drowned out by the thick numbness that enveloped her like a mist. She kept walking, finding a narrow path that wound up the hill.
“I will be able to see everything from up there.” She tried to muster enthusiasm for the prospect, but there was nothing.
Her footsteps were leaden, practically mechanical as she climbed the hill. Rain started to fall. She slipped, but caught herself.There is no Thomas to catch you now.Her heart felt as though it had been shattered between a rock and an anvil.
“He did not even say goodbye. I thought he cared about me.”
‘Why would anyone choose you?’Her mother had known better.
“If I had listened to her, I might have saved myself the heartbreak. At least I have friends now. People who care aboutme, so I suppose there is that.” Vivian had reached the top of the hill, and the rain was now falling in thick droplets.
She squinted through the sheets of it, barely feeling the icy water as it drenched her skin. In the distance, she thought she saw someone riding a horse.
They would have to be mad to be out in this weather.
“Though I suppose one might say the same of me. After all, I am standing here just watching the world around me.” The numbness shifted ever so slightly before snapping back into place. “Is someone riding?”
Vivian took a step toward them and then caught herself. “It is no business of mine what a madman does.”
Still, she watched the rider winding his way through the paths. “It almost looks as though he is going to the cottage.”
For a moment, her treacherous heart soared, but she clamped it down hard. “It would not be Thomas. Nor will it be a message from him. He has made his feelings abundantly clear, and it is time I stop living in a fantasy.”
The wind snatched at her coat, whipping the rain against her. It roared in her ears, and she shouted, “I am tired of this! Tired of all this pain!”
Lightning flashed across the sky, and thunder boomed so loudly it shook the world around her. Vivian turned and made her way back to the cottage.
She slipped several times in the mud, and by the time she had reached the bottom of the hill, she was covered in it. She could not bring herself to be upset about ruining her clothes.
Thunder roared again, and lightning struck so close to her that it made her jump. “Oh well, as if you were not already ridiculous, now you are acting entirely brainless and wandering about in the middle of a storm.”
She put on speed and decided to take the road to the cottage. It would be easier than walking through the fields. No one would be out in this weather, so walking on the road should be safe.
Or at least, that is what she thought as she walked out onto the road. But as she did so, a stallion and rider rounded the corner. Vivian let out a yell, the smell of wind and rain mingling with the scent of amber.
I really am going mad.
The horse reared, and Vivian flung herself to the side, landing on the ground. She heard a deep voice calming the mount. She heard footsteps approaching her.
“Are you all right? You could have been killed!” the man roared at her, her mind tricking her into believing it was Thomas’s voice.
She opened her mouth to reply that she was fine, and found herself staring into the piercing blue eyes of her husband. Thomas’s face was a mask of fury and fear, his eyes wide as he led his horse toward her.
“Thomas?” Vivian blinked slowly.Did I hit my head?
