Thomas nodded, his mouth dry. At that moment, Vivian looked up, and for the briefest second, her smile faltered. That split second tore at his heart with such ferocity that he feared he would be sick.
“I think she is a little hurt that you did not bother to get here on time, but I am sure if you explain, then you two can sort things out.” Cecily canted her head toward him. “Why were you late? That is not like you.”
“It is a long story.” Thomas could not tear his gaze from Andrea. “But it does not matter. This is Vivian’s night, and I will not do anything to dampen it further.”
Cecily opened her mouth as if to argue, but Thomas shook his head. He grabbed a flute of champagne and downed it. “She is every bit the marchioness she has always been. I cannot take away the fire she has found.”
“And why do you think you would?” Cecily frowned.
“I just do.” Thomas grabbed another drink and downed it. “Let her have this one night. Tomorrow, she will start her new chapter.”
And I will save her from this grief.
He did not hear what Cecily said as he made his way outside the palace. The cold air whipped at his cheeks and coat, but he barely felt it.
“I have to let her go.” He leaned against the balustrade. “It is the best thing for both of us. What future can she have with a dying man?”
“Thomas?” Her voice sent cracks through the glass that formed around his world. “What are you doing out here?”
Do not turn around.He knew that if he turned to face her, he would not be able to let her go.I am too weak to do this.
“I needed some air.”
“It is freezing.” He heard her take a step toward him and then stop. “Are you all right?”
“I am fine.” His voice held no emotion. “You need not concern yourself with me; go back to the festivities.”
“You were late.” Her voice held an edge of anger and pain.
“I am aware.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw another footman walk past, and he grabbed another drink. “Something came up.”
“Urgent business?” Her voice was cold. “And you did not think to let me know ahead of time?”
“I miscalculated.” He shrugged. “We should not fight. Not tonight. You should enjoy yourself. After all, this is your new beginning.”
“You will not be joining me then?” Vivian stiffened. “Inside, I mean.”
He looked past her into the ballroom with all the smiling faces. He could hear the laughter, the camaraderie. He took a step toward her, and then he shook his head. “No. I will adjourn to the room upstairs. I think I have something of a headache.”
“If you are not feeling well, maybe I could?—”
“No, Vivian. I do not want your help,” he snapped at her, unable to stand the warmth of her touch.
I cannot let myself give in to this weakness. I have to let you go.
“Just leave me alone and enjoy your party.”
“It is a fundraiser.” He saw her lips tremble, but no tears fell from her eyes. “And if you do not want my help, then so be it. I will not force my company where it is…” She drew in a shaky breath and closed her eyes. “Where it is not wanted. I expect I will see you in the morning, when I leave to go to the cottage.”
Thomas made a noncommittal noise and fled. For the merest second, he thought he heard a sob escape her, but he knew that was not the case.
“It is better this way.” He grabbed an open bottle of champagne as he walked past a table, tugging off his cravat and walking to the room he had planned to ask Vivian to stay with him in.
He flung open the door, throwing the rose petals off the bed. He flung the flowers at the wall and screamed into a pillow, not wanting his pain to be heard by anyone else.
“I do not deserve sympathy. I do not deserve comfort.” He shook as he curled up onto the floor. “I will not be my father.”
He rolled onto his back and pressed the champagne to his lips. He drank deep, willing it to numb the ache within him. Liquid spilled over him, and still he kept drinking.
