“She is still like that, I think. I have seen the way she protects those she loves.” Vivian’s fingers twitched as though she were going to take his hand in hers, but instead she tapped on her thigh. “It sounds like your mother chose to care for your father. Perhaps it made her feel close to him, even if he was dying.”
Thomas shrugged, pushing the memory of his mother’s sobs from his mind. “Who knows? Either way, I would rather you not have to experience what she did.”
“Then you must look after yourself.” She unfolded a leg and gently nudged his toe with hers. “Because if you are sick, you can be sure I will be there to look after you. You would if the situation were reversed.”
“I would,” he admitted.But it is not the same.
“Then you cannot expect me not to. Whether you want me to or not, I also took vows. In sickness and in health. We are married, and I meant that part at least.” She grinned at him.
“Then I will endeavor to make sure that I am mostly in good health.” He smiled at her, but it did not quite reach his eyes.
I will never be my father. I will not ruin your life.
The clock chimed on the hour, and Vivian yawned. Thomas stood up and held out a hand. “We should get to bed. It is late.”
Her eyes widened, and he hastened to add, “I will escort you to your room, and then return to mine.”
She nodded. As they reached the door, he thought she might ask him to stay, but she did not. He forced himself not to turn to look over his shoulder as he walked back to his own room.
As he climbed into his bed, he breathed in deeply. “I will break this curse, Vivian, and then, I will ask you to stay.”
Chapter Nineteen
“Iwish I could have seen it! I heard that he still had the mark on his face when he joined Lady Eldonbury for tea.” Cecily shook her head, smiling as she sipped on her tea. “Apparently she bade him come back when he was more presentable for polite company.”
Vivian, Andrea, and Charlotte all laughed. They were sitting in the drawing room of Elington manor. The other women had decided to call on he once they had seen the news of her altercation with Lord Brixten in the papers, and Vivian had wasted no time in telling them what had happened.
“It must have been quite the slap to cause the mark to last for so long.” Andrea gave Vivian an admiring look. “Clearly you are stronger than you look.”
“My hand stung for hours.” Vivian admitted shaking it out. “But it was worth it.”
“Speaking of strength, how are you getting on with your hobbies. Andrea mentioned that she convinced you to try archery?” Charlotte canted her head towards Vivian.
“I did…” Vivian trailed off trying to think of a polite way to explain her feelings.It is so nice to have friends, and I do not want to offend them.
“If you did not enjoy it, I will not be upset.” Andrea reached over and squeezed her hand. “We are not trying to turn you into us, Vivian. This is about helping you to connect to whoyouare.”
Vivian felt a lump in her throat, and nodded, not trusting herself to speak.
“We all have different things that bring us joy and purpose.” Charlotte added. “Andrea has always valued her independence and has several business ventures.”
“How? You are a woman and you are married!” Vivian’s eyes widened.
Andrea gave her a sly look. “I may have a few male aliases. Besides, even if I did not, Frederick and I are equal partners in everything.”
“Perhaps you could work more with Thomas?” Charlotte suggested as she sipped on her tea.
Vivian’s heart squeezed and she forced herself not to look towards the hallway. “We are doing more together but… Well, we will part ways and I need something that is mine. I want to prove that I can do something for myself.”
She tried to ignore the stab of sadness at the thought of how close she was to the end of her honeymoon.If he wanted it to be different, he would ask.She could not rely on him, she needed something for her, that would sustain her even if he did not ask her to stay.If?
“You need not prove any such thing to anyone, Vivian.” Cecily canted her head towards her.
“It is for me.” Vivian explained, her cheeks coloring. “I feel like I have spent so long living for other people, I want to understand what living for me looks like.”
Charlotte tapped a finger against her lips. “I suppose the question is, when did you last feel like what you were doing was truly for you? When did you feel like what you were doing mattered?”
“When I slapped Lord Brixten.” Vivian said without thinking, remembering the righteous anger that had welled within her.
