“Why not?” The warm fuzz of alcohol loosened her tongue, and she canted her head toward him. “We are married after all.”
“That does not mean… I cannot do this, not with you.” Thomas turned from her, his face half in shadow. “It would not be right.”
“Oh.” Vivian felt her stomach drop. “I thought… We were having such fun and I… But if you do not want me, if I have done something wrong, perhaps I could fix it?”
“It is nothing you have done, I swear. It is me.” He moved away from her and shook his head. “I… I do not want such intimacy with any woman. That is why I said there would be no heir-making between us. I made the decision a long time ago. Itwould not be fair. It would be the same with any other woman who was my wife. It is nothing personal.”
Vivian frowned, and then understanding hit her. Her cheeks flushed bright scarlet, and she clapped a hand over her mouth. “Oh! Oh goodness, I had no idea! I did not realize, but it makes so much sense. I should have realized sooner. I am so sorry. If you had told me, I would never have… I should have known you were… Well, you know…”
“What?” Thomas turned to face her, confusion clear on his face. “That I am what?”
“Well, that you…” Vivian cleared her throat and looked over her shoulder.
At the very least, this will mean he is unlikely to throw me over. Not when I know such a dangerous secret—such things are illegal after all.
“You are a molly. I understand why you did not tell me, but do not worry. I will keep your secret.”
Thomas gaped at her and then shook his head. “You think that I am drawn to the company of men?”
“Well, yes. I know there are laws against such things, but honestly, I have never understood them. What harm could come from such a thing?” Vivian gave him what she hoped was an encouraging smile. “It will be our secret.”
“I know there is nothing wrong with it. After all, I have a dear cousin who is that way inclined. He lives up north with his close friend, though we all know he is more than that. A very jolly chap, really.” Thomas moved toward her.
“You really do not have to pretend, Thomas. Honestly, it is a little bit of a relief. You are not drawn to women; of course, you do not want to kiss me.” Vivian was starting to get irritated. “But you must stop lying to me. You were the one who said that we should have truth between us, and well… I would like to think you trust me.”
Thomas let out a growl, and before Vivian knew what was happening, he had caught her up and kissed her. It was nothing like the brief brush of lips she had given him. This was something else entirely.
He crushed her to him with a bruising ferocity that lit a fire within her. All thought faded. The room spun around them. She could not tell where he began, and she ended.
Too soon, they broke apart, and Vivian saw a dark hunger in his eyes. He gave her a half-smile. “Do you believe me now?”
Vivian was still trying to catch her breath. All she could do was nod as blood thundered in her ears. Thomas nodded and left the room without another word.
So that is what it means to be kissed.
She touched her fingers to her lips. “He is no molly.”
Feeling more satisfied than she had in a long time, she practically skipped to her room. At long last, she would be safe.
Chapter Twelve
“What do you mean that her ladyship is feeling unwell?” Thomas stood up abruptly from the breakfast table.
It had been several days since he had kissed Vivian in the kitchen, and he had not been able to shift it from his mind. He dreamed of it, waking with the smell of roses in his mind.
She had not tried to elicit a kiss from him again, and he could not tell if he was disappointed or relieved. Instead, she had smiled at him and seemed more relaxed around him—more like herself.
His butler gestured to the hall. “Mrs. Bird asked that her ladyship be brought breakfast in her rooms today. Apparently, she is unable to leave the bed.”
“Send for the physician at once.” Thomas threw his napkin down and strode from the hall. “I am going to check on my wife.”
As he walked through the halls, he tried to tell himself that it was nothing to worry about. After all, she had seemed perfectly fine the day before, laughing and teasing him. But if she could not get out of bed today…
There was a cry of pain from Vivian’s room. It snapped his self-control, and Thomas sprinted toward her chamber, flinging the door open as his heart thundered wildly.
“Vivian? Vivian? What is the matter?” He rushed to her side, making several of the maids yelp.
Her face was streaked with tears, and her lip trembled when she saw him. His heart twisted. He sat on the bed beside her, feeling her forehead for some sign of fever.
