"What?"
"I'm sorry, Kat. I really am. But the classes are during the day, and I'll need to study at night, and I can't do both. Not if I want to actually graduate."
"But," I couldn't breathe, "you've been watching her for three years."
"I know. And I've loved every minute. You know that." Shanice's eyes were wet. "But I've put my life on hold for three years. My education. My career. My—everything. I need to do this for me."
She was right. Of course, she was right. Shanice had given up so much to help us. Had hidden us, protected us, taken care of Zara while I worked impossible hours. She'd asked for nothing except the money to cover rent and food. I’d been using her, her kindness and her love for Zara. Not intentionally, I was gettingmy shit together, and it was taking longer than I imagined. I understood now how selfish it’d been to keep her at a standstill while I figured it out.
However, I appreciated her and paid for everything around here. We were both grateful for the other person, but now things needed to change. I respected her choice, and if I was honest, I was jealous that she could live out her dreams. I’d been thrown into the position of taking care of Zara when we lost our parents. My father killed my mother in a fit of rage while being high. She wouldn’t give him money, and now he was in jail rotting for his mistake. Then I got involved with my ex, and things got abusive. Then he was arrested and got his buddies to harass me for him. That’s when I ran. My dreams of being a writer had been crushed since all I had time for was Zara, work, and now Olek.
"When?" I managed.
"After Christmas. I'll keep her through the holidays, but we’ll discuss what comes next." She reached for my hand. "I'm sorry. I know this messes up your plans."
Plans. What plans? Cause every one I made seemed to go to shit shortly after. In just under two months, I was supposed to disappear. New identity. New city. New life. But I couldn't do that without childcare. Couldn't work. Couldn't support us.
"It's okay," I heard myself say. "You're right. You need to live your life. I'll figure something out."
"Are you sure? Because I can try to find someone …"
"No. It's fine." I squeezed her hand. "You've done more than enough. This is my responsibility, not yours."
"She's not a responsibility. She's your sister, mine too. And she's amazing." Shanice smiled sadly. "I'm going to miss her like crazy."
"She'll miss you too."
We sat there in silence, drinking our whiskey, both of us avoiding the elephant in the room. I had no plans. No backup. No idea how to make this work.
Unless the idea formed slowly. Dangerously. Maria, one of the cooks who lived on the grounds, had a daughter. Twelve or thirteen, I thought. Old enough to watch Zara sometimes. And if I talked to Olek, maybe …
I stopped myself. I couldn't talk to Olek. Not after tonight. Not after seeing him with his ex and their daughter and realizing he had a whole life, I knew nothing about. But his house was a fortress. Secure. Safe. The safest place Zara could be.
And Maria's daughter could watch her during the day while I worked. Zara could go to the local school—better than the one in Homewood. I could see her every day instead of just on my days off. It could work. If I could swallow my pride. My hurt. My absolute terror at letting Olek that far into my life.
"You're thinking," Shanice said. "I can see the gears turning."
"Maybe I have an option."
"Yeah?"
"My boss. He has," how to explain this? "He has space. And security. And there's another staff member with a daughter who could help."
"You want to bring Zara to live at your job?" Her eyebrows furrowed.
"Just temporarily. Until I figure something else out."
"Is that safe? You said your boss is …" She lowered her voice even though we were alone. "You said he's connected. Too bad people."
"He is. But he's also," What? Kind? Protective? The man I was falling for? "He's fair. And his house is probably the safest place in Pittsburgh."
"Kat."
"I know. I know it's not ideal. But it's better than her being here while Marcus is out there looking for us." I met her eyes. "Soon, Marcus gets out. I need Zara somewhere he can't reach her."
Shanice was quiet for a long moment. "You really trust this guy?"
Did I? Three hours ago, I would have said yes without hesitation. Now, I didn't know what I trusted. But I knew Marcus was coming. And I knew I'd do anything to keep Zara safe. Even if it meant going back to face the man who'd just broken my heart.
