The Bridgeport Jetties are a town over from GCSU and a few towns from where East and I grew up. As much as I wish I was in Shelby’s place, my heart breaks for her. For what I’m about to say. “The farm team East will report to is in Florida, Shelbs,” I say gently.
Her face falls. Fuck.
“Hey,” East soothes. “It’ll be okay. What’s a little long distance? We’ve got this.” He’s right, and it’s not like it’s across the country. But for college students, it’s not easy to hop on a plane to Florida any time they want to see each other. Not to mention, that shit is expensive.
Shelby quickly covers any disappointment with an overlarge smile, and it makes me love her—and hate myself—even more. She cares so much for East. Every jealous, bitter thought I have is eroding my insides, eating away at me like an infestation.
“You’re right,” she says and kisses him. “We’ll figure it out. Regardless, today is aboutcelebrating.”
I don’t miss the suggestion in that tone. Neither does East if the way his lids lower is any indication. He bites his lips, and I look away when he grinds his hips against hers. I can avoid looking at them, but I can’t avoid the piercing scream my heart makes in my chest.
Freshman year, East had revealed to me some things about his sexuality. We haven’t talked about it since, but it seems like East has figured some things out… A part of me wonders if he’s demi, given how everything developed with Shelby. I suppose either way, their relationship is confirmation he’s straight. Because if what he needed was a connection with someone to feel that spark, then…wouldn’t I have been enough?
But he’s never wanted me.
I hadn’t realized I’d still been holding onto hope until that truth shattered me. I drank myself sick on Captain Morgan the night they started dating, blacking out under the trampoline in our backyard, wishing I could shut it all off. Not my finest moment.
“My parents don’t get back from work for another couple hours,” East says huskily.
That’s my cue. “I think I’m going to dip,” I say loudly, before the two who have clearly forgotten I’m here start going at it right in front of me.
Easton’s blue gaze snaps to mine. “You’ll be back for dinner?”
“Wouldn’t miss it.”
He throws me a lopsided smile, and I catch it just like one of his throws on the field, keep it close to my chest. One more for my collection. You know, the one I open up and torture myself with when I feel like being a masochist.
Which is more often than I care to admit. But East has a great girlfriend now. It’s never happening between us. I know this. I fuckingknowthis. I think it took seeing him with Shelby for me to realize what I needed to do to finally get past this. My problem. This is ameproblem. I don’t want to lose Easton as a friend. I need him in my life in any capacity I can have him. The only way that’s going to happen is if I get over him.
So, I’ve come up with a plan. After he signs this contract—because, let’s be real, there’s no way he’snotsigning with the Jetties—he’ll be getting on a plane to Florida. There will be a whole coast of distance between us, and he’ll be so busy he won’t have time for anything but baseball. I’ll use that to my advantage. Minimal communication; none, if that’s what’s needed. I’ll get over him, and then we can go back to being friends. It’s going to hurt like a line-drive straight to the gut.
It's not the perfect plan.
But it’s the only option.
I can’t keep loving him. It hurts too much.
four
Easton
Istareatthesecurity gates of the airport, people steadily dropping their items on the conveyor belts and walking through the scanners. This is it. One more checkpoint, and I’m on my plane heading for my new future. Leaving my past behind.
I glance to my right and swallow hard. Leaving Maddy behind.
Maddy’s stoic as ever, ballcap on backward over his tousled waves. He’s got light stubble on his sharp jaw. It’s a good look for him. Gives him a bit of a bad boy edge, especially mixed with the ink he’s gotten done on his left forearm. I trace the crown of thorns with my gaze, the wordsstill I riseweaving in and out of it. He said he chose it because he thought it looked cool and it was motivational, but I can’t shake the feeling there’s more to it than that.
This is the first time I’ll be away from him since we met at the age of six. Five to six weeks at minimum, maybe all the way through the end of October, if I’m lucky. My heart constricts at the thought that being apart from Maddy for so long could be consideredlucky. But if I do well with the Tampa Surge—the Bridgeport Jetties Low-A team—if I make a strong impression, I can be selected for the Instructs. Which would mean the team sees something in me. Promise.
I wish Maddy could be by my side through it. Hell, I wish I could pack him in my suitcase and take him with me.
“This is it,” he says softly and catches my eye, wearing a smile that holds so much happiness and sadness in it.
Pressure builds behind my eyes. I get it. I really fucking get it.
I turn back to the security aisle, which is pretty much empty. Thank God. It gives me a bit more time with Madz, no need to rush off to get in line.
“How did Shelby take the goodbye?” he asks.
