Tyler, it is.I grimace at the same time my gut clenches. I close the door on him while he’s mid-wave. But I really don’t care because Maddy and I have some serious talking to do.
I turn on my best friend and hit him with a glare. “What the hell was that?”
Maddy watches me carefully, his expression so stupidly neutral I can’t read his thoughts. He’s been getting better at that lately, shutting himself off from me. I hate it. It’s like he wants to create distance. A band tightens around my lungs. Why would he want distance from me?
“What do you think it was, East?” he asks slowly.
I run my hands through my hair, tugging lightly. What doIthink it was? Am I supposed to say? What are the rules here? All I know is my buzz is completely gone now.
“Well… You had a guy up here. With the door closed. Not that that necessarily means anything. But there were like sex-noises and stuff. I mean, I don’t know if they were coming fromhere. But I could hear them in the hallway, and he was kinda sweaty and flushed. So, um. Yeah.”
Maddy’s lips twitch from where he’s sitting in his bed. My eyes widen. Sitting in his bed, wearing nothing but a sheet over his lap. Oh. That seems a bit like a glaring sign. How did I miss that?
“Areyougay?” I blurt.
He scrubs a hand down his face and lets out a breath that has his shoulders slumping. “Yes, East.” His green gaze locks on mine. “I’m gay.”
My mouth drops and for the first time ever, it’s Maddy I can’t find words with. A million questions are running through my mind. Is this new? How long has he known? DidTylerhelp him discover this side of him? But the loudest of them all… Why didn’t he tell me? My heart twists like a wrung-out cloth in my chest. Did he think he couldn’t trust me with something like this? That it’d change us?
My attention falls to the floor, and I blink away the burn.
“What are you thinking, East?”
I look up at him and shrug helplessly, emotion rolling over me like a wave determined to drag me under. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me,” I say hoarsely.
Something flashes in his eyes, something that has me taking a step backward. His mouth tightens, and he shakes his head once before standing. He throws the sheet away, unabashed in his nudity—not like it’s new, considering we’re always around naked men in the locker room. He hunts for his boxers, then steps into them with jerky movements. He’s…angry with me. Maddy has always been the type to turn quiet when he got mad. A silent storm.
I frown at his hips. Those boxers are new. They’re really short, almost like full-on briefs, and they expose almost all of Maddy’s muscular thighs.
“What exactly was I supposed to tell you? What did you want me to say?”
My attention snaps to his face—his scowling face. His black brows are crushed together, his jaw ticking.
I flail my arms. “Um, I don’t know. Maybe that you like guys? Did you think you couldn’t come out to me? That I’d judge you or something? That it would affect our friendship?”
“Did you come out to me? Did you tell me how straight you are?”
I pause. “Well, no. But that’s diff—”
“I’m going to stop you right there. It’s not different. I’m so tired of the expectation ofhaving to come out. Why do I need to announce to the world who I want to fuck or who I want to love? Hell, sometimes I wish every straight person had to sit down with their parents and tell them they liked to fuck the opposite sex.I like big tits, Mom! You know, pussy is really where it's at.I don’t see why, simply because I'm attracted to men, I should have to do that.”
He lets out a soft growl and then visibly relaxes in a move I’ve seen him use when he gets stressed during games. Muscle by muscle, he regains control over himself. “I’ve never hidden it, East.”
“I distinctly remember you kissinggirlsin high school,” I point out. Shit, there was accusation in my tone. I didn’t mean for there to be. I don’t understand what’s going on inside me right now.
He lets out a cynical laugh that has the hair lifting on my skin. “Yes, because no gay boys ever kiss girls while they’re trying to figure out what the fuck is going on with them. I was confused, East. You think every queer guy comes out of the womb waving the rainbow flag? I wish I could say the moment I realized it I accepted myself and wore it proudly—but that’s not reality for many of us. The world doesn’t let you. It punishes you for even thinking about it. It’s messy, and it’s fucking terrifying. Don’t get me started on what it’s like being a gay athlete.”
I open and close my mouth.Words, East. Find fucking words. But I can’t. I just gape. I hate it. I hate that for him. I hate that I wasn’t there for him. That I didn’t know. That there were times when he was hurting and dealing with this alone. He's always been the more assertive one out of the two of us, the one with all the confidence and the take-charge attitude. But I'm still here to lean on. I'm here for anything he needs. Always.
Maddy lets out a resigned sigh. “I don’t ever plan on ‘coming out’. That’s not for me. I don’t owe anyone that. I’ll be with who I want to be with, end of story. I’ve been hooking up with guys since we started at GCSU. I know you’ve seen Ty around.”
Realization lands like a rogue pitch.Oh my God.“Is he your boyfriend?”
Oh, God. That’s even worse than him wanting the spot of best friend. Everyone knows partner trumps best friend. My heart is doing a panicked dance against my ribcage. I can’t lose Maddy. He’s my rock. He’s my everything.
Maddy shakes his head slowly. “No. I’m not looking for that right now…” He trails off, studying me in a way I can’t decipher. “Just distraction,” he finally murmurs.
Okay. Okay, that’s good. Not a replacement. We’re still Maddy and East. East and Maddy. Meaaast. God, I always hated that shipped name. But now that I’ve had the scare that there might no longer be a Meast? Well, I think it’s a pretty fan-fucking-tastic broship name.
