I lead her up to my room, and she collapses on the futon in the corner. She stares blankly at the bottle of Jose Cuervo like she’s not even there. Her body is, but Shelby is somewhere else.
Finally, she blinks and looks up at me. “Easton broke up with me.”
Even though I knew that was where this was going, my stomach plummets. I hurry to sit next to her, sliding an arm around her shoulders.
“I’m sorry, Shelby,” I whisper.
She takes a swig of the tequila and grimaces. “He’s been really focused on his game. And I get it. This is his dream, and he has what it takes to make it. He said I shouldn’t spend my senior year tied down to someone who can’t give me the attention I deserve.” She takes another swig, and her body shudders. “I’m not surprised,” she says quietly.
She turns to me, heartbreak written in her eyes. “We were together for a year, Maddy. He didn’t say ‘I love you’ once. I’d waited a while, hoping he’d say it first or give some sort of indication he felt the same. I couldn’t wait any longer, though, and I said it to him a few months ago. He told me he didn’t feel ready to say it back.” She lets out a breath and deflates into the futon. “I know he cared for me, but it was never going to be what I wanted it to be.”
She takes another pull of tequila, then holds out the bottle to me. Her gaze locks on mine. “He was never going to love me the way I wanted him to. I thought you could relate.”
My eyes widen.
She smiles sadly at me. “Oh, Maddy, it’s always been obvious to me how you feel about E. To be honest, I felt kind of horrible being with him around you. I can’t imagine what it must have been like.”
I hurry to take a long drag on the tequila. It burns. It tastes fucking awful. I don’t care. It’s a balm.
“He’s mentioned how you’ve been distant. Needed space.”
I nod, staring blindly into the middle of my room. “I’m trying to get over him,” I say softly, then throw back another swallow.
She takes the bottle and stares at it for a moment, then her eyes meet mine and she lifts it in a toast. “To getting over Easton Winters.”
She drains more tequila, then hands it to me.
I take the bottle and turn it around in my hands, not really seeing it. “To getting over Easton Winters.”
I drink.
eleven
Easton
“Comeon,Cowboy.We’regoing out.”
I glare at Shane. “Don’t wanna.” I’m very happy with moping, fuck you very much.
We have a few days off before we fly back to Florida for Instructs. We did well in the playoffs. We won the Division series but got swept in the League championship. Both Shane and I were selected for Instructs, which is another session of training and scrimmaging where coaches can spend some extra time working with promising prospects. I’m waving my pom-poms in excitement. Rah-rah and all that shit.
I’ve really been struggling lately. I know I should be excited and grateful—I am. It’s just hard when I’m a shell of a person. I was prepared for distance from Maddy and how difficult that would be, but I never could have guessed we’d end up here.
No contact for almost a month.
I thought we would be sharing this together. Yeah, maybe he wouldn’t be here physically, he wouldn’t be playing ball too, but he’d still get every detail, talk game, celebrate my highlights, hear me out through my low points. Baseball without Maddy…feels empty. Like a hollow imitation of the real thing.
“You’re coming. I’ll drag you there if I have to. Everyone knows the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else.”
I grimace. Yeah, definitely not. Shane thinks I’m moping over Shelby. I ended things with her. It became clear fast that things were over on my side. I’d always known she’d been ahead of me in the feelings department—not saying I didn’t care a lot for her, but it had never been love. And with everything going on with Maddy, it made that even more crystal clear.
Not having Maddy is like walking around with one lung. Every breath is a struggle. I can still breathe, and I’ll survive, but it’ll always take extra effort. It’ll never be easy. I don’t feel that way about things being over with Shelby. What I do feel is like an asshole, for hurting her, for not being able to be what she needed. At least now she can enjoy her senior year, maybe find the guy she’s meant to be with.
All I know is that my heart is broken in my chest. But it’s not for Shelby.
Arms wrap around me and haul me off the couch. Another set clamp around my legs, and I find myself carried by Shane and another one of our High-A teammates, Paulie Nebiolo.
“What the fuck, guys? Put me down.”
