Once I got Liam changed, fed, and put back down, I made my way back to the living room where Violet and I were camped out in the otherwise mostly empty apartment. I laid down and wrapped my arms around her only to have the love of my life turn to face me.
“I heard you,” she admitted and pointed to the baby monitor.
“Yeah?” I honestly didn’t know what to say. I thought it was a private moment between my me and my son.
“I am so proud of you and the father you are to him. I also love you fiercely, Ridge. We’ve been through a lot and there are still some hurdles we need to jump, but you’re worth it.”
“We’re worth it, my sweet flower.”
“Yeah, we are.”
Chapter 31
Violet
When I found out that I was pregnant again on Ridge's birthday, my adrenaline spiked through the roof. It sucked that his birthday, the day we met, our original wedding day was something that sent me into a blind panic. Whereas it was once a day of so much celebration, the events of the previous year had dulled the shine. It had more than dulled the shine. Truthfully, those events cast a shadow over the day that I wished could be written out of existence. It wasn't possible, though. Even though he insisted that we didn't celebrate this year at all, I had the misfortune of taking that stupid test before I realized what day it was.
When I went to mark it on the calendar, so that I'd remember, sadness overwhelmed me instead of the elation I felt when I first saw that positive test indicating that Liam would gain a sibling.
I thought about holding off and not telling Ridge, so that the taint of his birthday from last year wouldn't somehow infect the day, but after a quick, panicked call to my therapist, my mind was changed.
"Maybe this is the positive thing you needed to break the hurt from that one day," Sandy told me. "Then in the future, you can look to Ridge's birthday as something to celebrate again because it will also be the day you found out that you're pregnant with your second child."
If her words hadn't filled me with hope for a brighter future, I would have waited. It was better that I didn't because telling him immediately also took another burden off me. I hadn't told him the first time around, even though my reasons for withholding the announcement from him were solid. Still, it felt good to be able to tell him right away, as it should have happened with Liam.
I sat there contemplating all of that while Ridge lay beside me in our bed, in our new house, the one he purchased for me because he said my apartment was too small. It was in my name only, so that I had security of knowing that Liam and I would always have a roof over our heads. I knew it was his way of trying to reassure me, but in a way even that made me sad. There was a time when neither of us would have blinked an eye about the fact that everything was in both of our names and that our future together would never come into question. We knew better now. While I hated what we went through, in a way, it was good that we did. Both of us knew that we couldn't take our love, or each other, for granted ever again. Our trust in one another had to come with conversations, so that we never fell into a trap like the one Fiona.
Ridge looked so peaceful in his sleep as I stared at him and wondered if the man I still loved with all my heart would ever be my husband again.
"What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?" Ridge asked in his sleep-roughened voice.
"Just thinking about how grateful I am that we're both here together," I admitted. The truth needed to be set free often as a reminder of what we had and why we had to work to hold onto it.
"Mmm, like the sound of that. Therapy appointment today, right?" he asked.
"We have a couple hours still." Ridge reached over and pulled me back down under the covers with him. "Pretty sure Sandy’s ready to cut us loose,” I warned.
Ridge's chuckle rumbled through his chest to vibrate against my own. “I doubt that. In the meantime, I just want to hold you for a bit before little man decides to wake up.” True to his word, he held my body tight to his and snuggled up before placing a kiss at the juncture of my neck and shoulder. "I love you, Violet. More than I can possibly ever express to you in words.”
"I know. You show me," I explained. His head shook, as if a denial were forthcoming. "We learned from the past, no need to bring it up again. You show me every day how much you love me. Don't ever doubt that I see it.”
He pulled me closer, even though it shouldn't have been possible to do so. There, in his warm embrace, I really did feel all the love he held in his heart for me. It was a palpable thing beating between us. That feeling lasted all of a moment or two before Liam started screaming from the other room. We both laughed and reluctantly pulled away from one another.
"I'll go tend to Mr. Shitty Britches, so you can hop in the shower and do whatever you need to get ready for our appointment later."
"Thank you," I hummed to him as I headed for the bathroom while Ridge winked at me and took off for our son's room.
Every once in a while, brief flashes of what it might have been like if we hadn't worked things out, would hit. A vision of me running around frantically trying to get Liam ready for the day while not being able to care for myself flashed before my eyes. I had been ready to be a single mom with him because of my circumstances, but I was really freaking happy that my situation changed. Ridge had always been a good partner in life – until that one moment where he stumbled – and he was proving to be just as good a father as he had been a partner in the past.
There were never any doubts that he would rock fatherhood. When we discussed having kids early in our marriage, we both wanted to wait. He said that with age comes wisdom and patience that he wanted to be able to bestow on our children, rather than having to always rush off to build a business and miss out on living their lives with them. He had been right.
Thinking back, I wondered if we would have hit a stumbling block in our relationship much sooner if there had been the rigors of parenthood thrown into the mix, too. At least this way, our children would never even have to know that we stumbled so hard. Eventually, the truth would be revealed to them, of course, but it wouldn't have to affect their childhood. For that, I was thankful.
Our therapy session was canceled because Sandy had an emergency she was needed for. In a way, I was glad. She probably would have made me spill the beans in session and that was not how I wanted Ridge to find out he was going to be a father again.
Once we got home and settled Liam in for an afternoon nap, I guided Ridge to our sofa and sat down beside him. "I have something to tell you, but I'm scared to do it, especially today."
He gave me a knowing look. We hadn’t mentioned it, and I couldn’t bring myself to tell him happy birthday, let alone think about how this would have been our tenth wedding anniversary. I shook off the feeling and watched as moisture filled Ridge’s eyes. He was expecting the worst, I could see it.
