“Oh, my Lord, Violet!” My mother cried when she let herself into my apartment and found me still huddled around the toilet. “Why didn’t you call me sooner?”
“I…” Nothing else came out. What was I going to tell her? Part of me wanted to die. I thought it would pass. I couldn’t bring myself to care that I was sick for the past couple weeks. None of those things would make her feel better. In fact, they might just land me on a seventy-two-hour hold in the psych ward at the hospital.
“Never mind, let’s get you to the doctor so we can have them check you out. I have a feeling you just need a strong antidepressant to help get you through, but you never know, you might have caught a bug or something.”
I had no other outward symptoms that would indicate the latter, and my mom knew it. She might have been thinking about that seventy-two-hour hold without me having to mention any of the awful thoughts I’d been having. I gave my mom a nod and then let her help me up off the floor. Once I managed to change into some clean underwear and sweats, we headed out.
“The weather sure has been warm,” Mom said as she drove us toward the family practice we’d been using since before I was born. They had thankfully upgraded their offices and grown their staff over the years but Dr. Carson, who started it all back when my parents were newlyweds, was still around.
“No offense, Mom, but I don’t give a shit about the weather.”
Bless the woman for leaving it at that. She made a disapproving humming noise in the back of her throat and continued to drive in silence for a bit. When we were about five minutes out, she finally spoke again.
“You need to talk about it. If not to me, then someone. Maybe a professional. You went from having a marriage everyone envied to divorced in no time flat. I love you, my girl. I can’t stand to see you withering away to nothing. Despite your name, you have never been a shrinking violet afraid to get out in the world and take it by storm. It breaks my heart to see you this way.”
“Well, my heart is broken, Mom. I don’t know why everyone thinks I should just get over that right away because I was the one to ask for the divorce. It still hurts. No matter what.”
“I know,” she muttered. “I know,” she repeated again, as if words had suddenly become hard.
Thankfully, we arrived at the doctor’s office before she could pick a new topic or reword the previous one. By the time I was checked in, I was out of what little steam I’d managed to find. When the nurse called me back, my mother rose too, as if she was going to come with me. I shook my head.
“I’m a grown woman. I’d rather do this on my own.”
“But-” she started to say before I cut her off with another swift shake of my head.
“No, Mom. I need to do this on my own. If there’s anything you need to be concerned about, I’ll let you know.”
It was bad enough my husband didn’t think I was worth even a conversation, let alone a fight, before we divorced. I couldn’t handle being treated like an invalid, or someone who didn’t have their own facilities, by my family.
I did all the preliminary things women are always asked to do when going to the doctor. I was measured, weighed, blood pressure and temperature checked, and then I had to pee in a cup.
“When was your last period?” The nurse asked as she did all the intake information before the doctor came in to see me. I thought about that and then gasped. Her eyes shifted to where my hands landed on my belly.
Heather had been my usual nurse for the past eight years. She knew what was going on in my marriage. Everyone knew thanks to one of my husband’s coworkers spilling the beans about his “affair” to a tabloid. The asshole had gotten the details correct for what he saw when I answered that damned video call on Ridge’s birthday in front of everyone, but what he didn’t give the press was the details of how Fiona drugged then sexually assaulted my husband. Ex-husband. I was sure my nurse knew all of that.
“I am bound by HIPAA to keep your secrets for you,” Heather reminded me. “I’m going to check on the results of your test.”
She stood and left the exam room as I sat there and wondered if it could be true. My heart beat so fast. I should have known already. The stress of planning Ridge’s party had thrown me. I hadn’t paid attention to much else because I was so frazzled by keeping everything under wraps. I had somehow missed my period and not noticed. There was no question why I hadn’t noticed the past month, but that would certainly explain why two months had gone by without me even questioning what was going on with my body.
Heather came back into the room a moment later and shut the door tight behind her before she made her way to me. “I’m not supposed to tell you the results. That is for the doctor, but if I was in your shoes, I’d want to know immediately.” I must have given her a nod because she squeezed my hand and whispered, “You are pregnant, sweetie.”
I broke down crying in Heather’s arms and she held onto me like a mom comforting a hurt child. “It’s going to be okay. I know things are tough for you right now, but it will all work out. Whatever you want to do. If you need help getting a procedure done, I will help you. If you plan to keep it, you know we’ll be there for you every step of the way.”
“Thank you,” I whispered to her as a knock sounded on the door and Dr. Carson made his way inside.
“Violet,” Doc Carson said as he glanced between Heather and me. “Heather,” he offered her a nod as he addressed her. “I’m guessing you’ve already given our patient the news?”
“I did,” my nurse announced.
“I figured it out when she asked about my period. Heather just confirmed the test results for me,” I explained, so as not to get the woman in trouble.
“Don’t you worry about that. Heather isn’t in trouble. It looks to me like she’s doing her job well from where I’m seated. Whatever you decide to do, my office will help you. No matter what, you understand?”
“Thank you.” I meant that genuinely. There was no way I wanted an abortion, but it was good to know that my doctor wouldn’t take the choice away from me, the laws in our state be damned. It made me feel better knowing that if something went wrong during my pregnancy, I might not have to pay with my life as a result. Being pregnant was scary. Also being recently divorced was more so. Their reaction took one weight off my shoulders, so I could focus on the biggest one. I needed to track my ex-husband down and tell him he was going to be a father. Despite our circumstances, I knew he’d be a good one. Whether this baby ended up being the thing that brought us back together or not remained to be seen.
I didn’t say a word to my mother yet, despite her asking me repeatedly what the doctor had to say. Ridge deserved to know before anyone else. I had Mom take me to my apartment.
“I promise, I’m fine. Dr. Carson gave me a prescription to help.”
