“It would not be right to hold on to our negative feelings. Papa has passed on to the next life. We must forgive him.” They nodded, agreeing with Mary’s sage advice.
“Let us put these away.” Elizabeth gathered the journals into a stack and moved toward the shelf she assumed they had come from. “And it would be best if you did not seek amusement here without Jane’s permission.” She mock-scowled at them, winking. “Next time you must include your older sisters.”
The four left the room, each introspective in their own way. Elizabeth noted the time. Luncheon would soon be served. Her stomach growled and she chuckled as her child kicked.The noise must have startled him… or her.She walked down the stairs toward the dining room, hoping to find her husband there. She would have to ask him where he had gone off to after their return.
Chapter Forty-Six
December 10, 1812
Longbourn
Jane
The duties involved in caring for the estate were greater than Jane had ever thought. She woke early each day, taking a tray in her room as she reviewed household matters under the purview of the mistress. After that, she came downstairs and went to the study where she would review the estate books. Expenses were modest since the household was not entertaining. Meetings with the steward happened almost daily as she continued to learn about the nuances involved in Longbourn’s management. Tenant disputes, field rotations, and more were evaluated and then discussed before decisions were made. By tea, Jane usually wished only to hide in her chambers with her son.
Henry was a delight. He did not look at all like his father. Mrs. Bennet claimed that the babe favored his mother greatly, from his fair hair to his happy disposition. There appeared to be something of his father in his ears, growing more pronounced as he aged, but no one mentioned that.
A few days after first meeting Mr. Bingley atop Oakham Mount, he came to call upon the residents of Longbourn, accompanied by his aunt. Mrs. Mildred Bingley seemed to be a cheerful sort, and Jane enjoyed meeting her immensely.
“I am very glad to meet you, Mrs. Collins,” the lady said as they chatted. “My nephew has told me so much about you. I can see now that he did not prevaricate in the least.”
“You are too kind.” Jane added a lump of sugar to her tea, stirring carefully so as not to spill. “I knew Mr. Bingley had family in the north, but I never imagined I would have the opportunity to be introduced.”
“Yes, Caroline would like to have it that way. It infuriates her that her brother maintains the connection to the Scarborough Bingleys.” Mrs. Bingley chuckled good-naturedly. “She is very set on separating herself from her roots.”
“My uncle is in trade. He is one of the best men of my acquaintance.” Caroline Bingley was a fool for putting so much stock in money and status. Neither brought happiness—nottruehappiness, anyway.
“How did you find my nieces, Mrs. Collins?”
Jane kept a neutral expression. “They were amiable whilst they stayed at Netherfield Park. I have only seen them briefly since they departed last winter.”
“You are dissembling, madam.” Mrs. Bingley laughed. “I am well aware of how my nieces likely behaved. They look down their noses at their own family. They likely behaved much worse toward strangers.”
“I meant no offense.” Jane shrugged and took a sip of her tea. The Bingley sisters had fooled her then, but now she had more awareness of their judging nature and condescending attitudes toward those they considered to be inferior, and she had more acceptance of people’s foibles and faults. “I am certain Miss Bingley will find what she seeks eventually. It is a pity she did not find it in Hertfordshire, for I am partial to this county.”
Mrs. Bingley’s conversation pleased Jane, and she felt disappointed when the lady’s attention turned elsewhere. She rose and crossed the room to sit with Mrs. Bennet, who had deigned to come down for the call. Mr. Bingley quickly took his aunt’s place beside Jane.
“How do you fare in learning estate management?” he asked. “I am sorry we were not able to come before today. Matters of business kept me away.”
Jane smiled. It had always been easy to fall into conversation with Mr. Bingley, and today was no different. “Estate concerns have kept me occupied as well,” she said. “I confess that being both master and mistress wearies me. I cannot turn the entire thing over to the steward, though, for I wish to understand how to manage everything so that I can teach my son one day.”
“I would like to meet him.” Mr. Bingley blurted the words anxiously, reaching out to take Jane’s hand. “I do not even know his name.”
Jane stilled. Her gaze fell to her feet, and she hesitated.What will he think of me, naming another man’s child for him?Slowly, she raised her gaze to look at him. “I named him Henry,” she finally said.
His eyes widened and his mouth fell open.“Henry?”he repeated in awe. “Did you… do I presume too much—was it formeyou named him?”
She smiled a tentative smile. “Do you despise me now, sir?”
“No! In fact, my feelings are quite the opposite. I am deeply honored to have been granted such distinction.” He still held her hand, and he lifted it to his lips, kissing it gently. “When might I meet him?”
“Soon,” Jane promised.
In truth, Elizabeth’s words about marrying before mourning ended had been a constant fixture in her mind for several days. Indeed, the more Jane thought of them, the more inclined she felt to seize her happiness. Who would judge her if she threw off her mourning clothes early?
The crux of the matter lay with Mr. Bingley. Had he truly changed enough? His intentions were clear: the man had renewed the lease on Netherfield Park before he knew that Jane would return to Hertfordshire. He had returned to his estate and become a true master to the tenants and the staff. And he had sent his sister to live with the Hursts. Was it enough?
She did not know, but she knew that she still loved him. Her regard had never faded, despite her attempts to lock it away in the furthest reaches of her heart. She had resigned herself to a lifetime without him, and now here he was, attempting to woo her again. She did not think she had the desire, let alone the will, to resist.
