TWENTY
LAYDEN
When we pullinto Vlad’s compound and Phoenix leads me downstairs to her wing, I can’t help but feel déjà vu wash over me. During the month we stayed here leading up to the wedding, I kept to the guest wing with my family. I was never allowed down here in her private space.
She even has another computer lab in this wing. I’m pretty sure Vlad had it installed here so she could show anything to visiting dignitaries without him having to lead them down through her pink-walled part of the compound.
As we push through the double doors to her wing, though, I see things have changed since I was last here ten years ago. “The walls aren’t pink anymore.” The hallway is painted a pleasant beige now instead.
“I grew up,” she says shortly while all but stomping down the hall toward the lab. When she shoves open the door, I’m relieved to see at least this room is still much the same as I remember. Banks of computer monitors. Her organized chaos of notes. The familiar hum of machines.
“Hey,” I start while reaching out a hand. I don’t quite dare to touch her shoulder, so I withdraw it before making contact. “Are we okay? After what happened back there in the alley?”
“We’re fine,” she says, but there’s a strain in her voice. “Why wouldn’t we be fine?”
“Because we just had sex.” I watch her carefully for any reaction.
“That wasn’t us,” she bites out while sitting down at her main workstation. She starts booting up the computer with jerky movements.
“It sure felt like us to me. I remember everything that happened.”
She swings around in the chair so fast she almost kicks me with how quickly she moves. “It wasn’t us,” she says again with adamant force. But I can see something underneath the anger. Fear, maybe.
“If it wasn’t you that I was having sex with, who was it?” I demand, my frustration rising. “Because it was my first time ever, Phoenix.”
Her angry eyes soften immediately, filling with something like shock mixed with disbelief. “What? That was your fir—” She cuts herself off and looks at the ground. “Are you okay?”
I nod, hand to the back of my neck. “Yeah. I was— It was… okay. With me. Are you okay?”
She nods quickly, still staring at the floor. “It just?—”
“It just, what?” I take a step closer to her.
“It can’t be like that between us.” Her voice has gone quieter now.
“So what happened earlier was nothing to you?” I don’t know why I’m pushing this so hard. But I never could hide my cards with her, never could pretend I felt less than I do.
If the sex truly meant nothing to her, fine. I’m not the kind of man who pushes anything a woman doesn’t want, especiallynot this woman. I’d throw myself into the sea first. I just need to know now before I get pulled any deeper into this impossible situation. The way she looked at me while we were together, I just have to know if it was… real.
“It can’t be,” she repeats, but her voice wavers slightly.
“Because of your professor?” The words come out more bitter than I intended.
“What?” She looks up at me with genuine surprise. “Don’t be an ass. He’s just my advisor, nothing more.”
“Are you sure he knows that?” I can’t help pushing.
She stands up abruptly and shoves me in the chest with both hands. “Don’t be an ass. I mean it, Layden.”
I want to provoke her into shoving me again just so I’ll have some form of physical contact with her. Even standing as close as we are now, I can feel the heat and intensity from back in the alley rising up again between us like a living thing.
“Was it only Ammit making us feel that way?” I ask while taking another step closer so she can feel the heat from my chest. “Or was any of it real?”
Her eyes flip from my eyes down to my lips. Back to my eyes.
Back to my lips.
And then she shakes her head slowly. Hope rises in my chest like a bird taking flight before she steps back and away from me.
