I watch her retreat to the bathroom, the door closing firmly behind her. Not quite a slam, but close enough.
And I’m left alone on our wedding bed, still fully clothed.
Still hungry.
FOURTEEN
LAYDEN
I lay awake mostof the night, watching Phoenix sleep beside me in bed. I can go a long time without sleep, and considering she means this marriage to be in name only, I know this may be a rare opportunity. The fact that we’re even sharing a bed is only because we’re in Vlad’s compound.
It’s better this way, I try to tell myself.
I don’t want to lose the best friend I’ve ever known.
It would kill me if I ever did anything to drive Phoenix away again. I lost her once because of my own idiocy. The loneliness afterwards... I’ve always known hunger of every kind, but that was an emptiness that almost drove me mad. I lashed out at the whole world and nearly destroyed my brothers because of it.
The thing is, when Phoenix first came to me in that forest, pulling me out of my self-appointed exile and bringing me back to life—or really,tolife for the first time—it was like color bursting into the world. I’d been cold for so long. Alone for centuries.
Even before the forest, when I was with my brothers, we just… existed. Moving robotically through each day. We obeyed our Creator-Father’s commands like we were mere cogs in his never-ending war machine.
All I did was deprive and bring misery wherever I went. No one was more surprised than me when I finally lashed out at our Creator-Father. But I just snapped. I’d had enough. It wasn’t courage so much as the build-up of a lifetime of desperation. I didn’t care what happened to me if I failed.
Sure, I regretted the lack of forethought as my wings were cut from my back and the searing hell-metal was poured on the raw stumps.
I close my eyes, chest clenching with the memory. When I open them again, my chest eases, watching Phoenix as she sleeps. She huffs out a little breath and moves in her sleep, snuggling against my chest. One of her legs slides over mine.
I freeze, barely daring to breathe. The fullness of being close to her makes me feel so many things I don’t have words for. Then I force myself to relax before my muscles going tense wakes her.
She’s so warm. It’s the kind of warmth I forgot existed when I sat so long in that frozen forest. Everything about her is enticing. Her hair smells like the fancy shampoo from the bathroom—something floral I can’t name. Her breath is soft against my chest. The weight of her thigh over mine is perfect torture.
I look at the ceiling, trying to memorize the feeling of everywhere her body presses against mine. The curve of her hip where my hand could rest if I were brave enough. The way her fingers curl loosely against my ribs. How her breasts press against my side with each breath.
A monster like me doesn’t deserve even a night’s respite of such heaven, but I’m stealing it all the same.
Maybe I’m a thief, just like my Creator-Father after all.
Because when Vlad said I needed to marry his granddaughter to fulfill the blood oath my brother owed him, I didn’t protest.
The hunger in me rushed to agree.
Even though I know Phoenix hates the way her grandfather manipulates her. Of course she wouldn’t be interested in me when I’m part of another one of his schemes.
I was a fool, seeing my brothers with their consorts and thinking this was my opportunity for the same. What do I know of comfort? Of love?
My mind immediately shies away from the word. It’s not love with Phoenix. I just feel affection for her. It’s all I’m capable of.
We are good companions. A good match. I’m a being of hunger, and she’s fed by beings of endless thirst. And she couldn’t respect anyone susceptible to her compulsion, so I’m literally the only one on earth she could marry.
It still doesn’t mean she wants you.
I shake off the thought. Wanting doesn’t matter anymore. We’re married now, for better or worse.
I sigh quietly and close my eyes, going back to memorizing the feel of her. Her soft exhale. The feel of her abdomen expanding against my side as she draws in another breath. Her warm thigh tucked against mine. The way she clings to me in her sleep with complete trust.
In wakefulness, she is all hard lines and cool determination. It’s only here in the dark secret of night, she’s gone soft. So impossibly soft.
My body reacts the way a man does to a woman being this close, but I ignore it. I may crave her, but I would never disrespect her trust. The torture of having her so close is welcome. I’m familiar with disciplining myself against hunger.
