Hannah has her arm linked through Lauren’s as they walk to the edge of the lake, their bare feet leaving prints in the soft grass. They’re so comfortable together, as if they’re already sisters-in-law.
The sight squeezes my chest tight in something like terror.
And not for fear of my family becoming too attached, like I ought to be thinking, either.
I’m terrified because of how much I want it.
How much I wanther.
For myself.
Because if there’s one thing in this life I’ve learned—one truth carved into my bones over thousands of years—it’s that I can never, ever want anything.
Remus will always make sure of that.
I could never want my father’s affection without Remus destroying any chance of earning it. Could never want to succeed at anything I put my focus into without him sabotaging it,turning victory into ash. And I could certainly never want to gain the love of a good woman.
Never that.
Remus chose her for exactly this reason, and damn him to hell, he always chooses his torments exquisitely well.
She is perfect.
Beautiful and brave and clever and kind.
And she can never, ever be mine.
EIGHTEEN
LAUREN
I holdtight to Hannah’s arm as we get near the edge of the lake and pretend I can’t feel Romulus’s eyes burning into my back like twin brands.
He about took my breath away when I caught him checking me out earlier in the castle. The heat that man was looking at me with was absolutely indecent—hungry and desperate and barely controlled. My cheeks are still flushed, skin tingling. Something I have a feeling Hannah doesn’t miss as she glances over at me with a knowing little smile.
“Ready?” she asks as we navigate the smooth, sun-warmed rocks at the lake’s edge.
I’m about to say yes when the water laps toward us and hits my ankles. “Holy shit, that’s cold!” I yelp, jerking back instinctively.
Hannah laughs, the sound bright and carefree. “Yep, you can never quite be ready for it the first time. It’s like swimming in Lake Michigan. Even in the summer, it’s absolutely freezing. But it gets better once you’re all the way in.”
“If you say so.” I don’t sound convinced even to my own ears.
I can’t help glancing over my shoulder. And yep, Romulus is right there at the shoreline, watching us with a now-stern expression on his face—jaw tight, wings folded rigidly against his back, arms crossed over that broad chest.
Somehow, that gives me the courage to wade forward. This at least gives me a reason to not mind the cold as much because heat is bursting in my cheeks and, more embarrassingly, low in my belly. A pooling warmth that has nothing to do with the summer sun.
When the water gets to my thighs, I decide to just take the plunge and dive forward.
The shock of cold steals my breath completely, my lungs seizing. I pop back up to the surface, gasping. “Oh my god!”
“It gets better the more you swim,” Hannah says, laughing at my expression.
“I fucking hope so!” There’s nothing else to do at this point except trust her because now even the air feels cold against my wet skin, raising goosebumps along my arms. So I start swimming vigorously away from shore, arms cutting through the water.
Hannah’s a little bit right. The more I move, the less absolutely frozen I feel. After maybe another ten minutes of vigorous strokes, I begin to feel all my body parts again, and Hannah and I are having actual fun as we race each other around.
The lake is absolutely gorgeous—a deep, dark blue that reminds me of sapphires. It extends so far in every direction, surrounded by towering pines that seem to touch the sky. The water is crystal clear, and I can see rocks and darting fish beneath the surface. It feels wild and unreal to have so much natural beauty all to ourselves, like we’ve stumbled into some hidden paradise.
