“I think they hung up,” Ksenia says, taking the device back. She’s trembling and holding her arms as she paces on the roof. Is she afraid of me now? Of what I became back in the basement with her Uncle and the child?
She saw me for the monster I am. Self-loathing is thick in my throat. I swore to myself long ago I would never become thatcreature again. I allowed myself to be locked away so that all would be kept safe from a monster such as me.
“You should go,” she says, only confirming my worst fears. “If they call back, you can answer by hitting this button.” She points to a small green picture on the device. “And if you want to call them, push here and here.”
She shows me something incomprehensible. My head is too full. I must go. And yet I cannot leave her.
“What about you?” I ask. In the distance, there are still sirens. “They are looking for you.” How can I leave her? Even if she is afraid of me now, even if I failed her, I cannot let her be harmed. I will die first.
“I’ll be fine,” she says, waving a hand. “I’ve gotten out of tough spots before.”
I shake my head. This is unacceptable. “I will take you out of the city.”
She looks around, biting her bottom lip. “I don’t want to slow you down.”
“You do not slow me.” And then, before she can argue more, I draw her into my arms. If she thinks I can go to help my family while leaving her in peril, she does not understand me at all. I would be useless to them, too frantic with worry over her.
Perhaps it will be the last time I hold her. She clings to me, and I secure her tightly against me as I leap from roof to roof and make my way across the city, further away from the seeking sirens. I head towards the forest I see in the distance, feeling Ksenia’s arms tighten around me as I finally head back down one of the tall buildings, only relaxing once we’re on flat ground again.
Everything has gone wrong, I should not be focusing on the sweetness of her embrace, but I can only inhale her scent. Terrified this will be my last memory.
It’s easier to move quickly once we’re in the forest, heading north. After a time, she bangs my shoulder. It is the prearranged sign we have to stop, but I think she will say to let her go, and we are not far enough from the city yet. That is what I tell myself anyway. In truth, I am not ready to let her go. So I continue to run.
I run her north for perhaps an hour, at the fastest speed I dare with her in my arms. Only when the dawn begins to break do I allow her down.
We’re in one of the thick forests that blurs the lines between nations. Ksenia should be able to get to safety from here, though I hate to leave her in the wilderness again.
“This device,” I say, handing thesell foneto her. “It is modern. It will have directions on it?”
“But what if your family calls again?”
“I am going back to them. I can only move as fast as I can move. I will not leave you directionless.”
She nods even though she’s just gotten back on her own feet, and I can see she’s a bit shaky.
I want to pull her back into my arms, but I’m torn, pulled by my family’s distress.
Either she’s thinking the same thing. . . or she is eager to say goodbye because she takes a step back from me. “I should let you go.” But then her eyes get watery as they lift. “Goodbye.”
She nods repeatedly, her head bobbing up and down quickly, and the tears spill down her cheeks.
I want to say more words. About how she has become the most important thing in the world to me though I have known her so short a time. About how she has shown me, who is so acquainted with death, what it means to truly live. About how I wish I could spendallof my life with her, my beloved.
Instead, I bow, all my arms at my side to keep from grabbing her back up again, then turn and sprint away.
I run for many,many hours without ceasing. I must make up the distance the train brought us plus the two days Ksenia and I walked and ran. It is much faster going on my own, but as quickly as I can move, I am no winged creature.
The sun crests in the sky and falls again. I run up the side of one mountain, down, and up and down another.
I am finally beginning to feel fatigue set in when I recognize the landscape itself, no longer navigating only by the stars. I am close to home. But what will I find after the many hours I’ve been out of contact with my family?
I approach the castle slowly.
Nothing appears amiss. There’s no war of angel runes crashing or battle that I can observe. And yet it all feels very, verywrongas well, in a way I cannot put my finger on.
And then I see it—or at leastsomething.
There’s a broken window in the dining hall. I step into shadow and lope up to the window for a better view.
