After another few moments, he says, “I can’t think of any.”
I expel a breath, the air puffing in front of me in a cloud. “Oh, come on. Out of all the names in the world, you can’t think of one that might fit you?”
He shrugs, looking my way. “Can you think of any more?”
I pause, thinking. Really trying to think of something that might fit him. And yes, what he can do, but also who he is. He’s not just Death; he’s more than that.
“What about Kharon? He ferried the dead to the Underworld. Isn’t that what you do? You aren’t Death, exactly. I get it. But you help them find passage to that other plane, right?”
Out of my peripheral vision, I see him pause a step while his head nods slightly. “Well, yes. And I like the sound of it. It is a strong name.”
I grin. “Do you want it to beyourname?”
He’s a little slower for the next few steps, jogging to catch up to me. “I think. . . yes. Yes, I would like it to be my name.”
“Hello then, Kharon. Welcome to the world.”
I watch his mouth as he smiles wide. It’s a little terrifying, considering his big, sharp teeth. But also really wonderful to see. And I feel warm inside despite the cold that I could bring him a better sense of identity than just being a “thing.”
I look in front of me again, a little disconcerted by how good it makes me feel to make him happy. I just understand how lonely it feels without an identity in this world. So much of my life is spent alone, as no one, or as whoever I need to be for my hunting. Rarely am I just Ksenia.
We go a little further before he speaks again. “Thank you for the gift of a name. You are very kind. That is an unusual thing in this world.”
I nod, a little disconcerted with how much I feel like I know Kharon. Do I just feel a bond with him because he was there after I experienced the traumatic situation of my uncle’s betrayal? Really, we know so little of one another. Well, at least I haven’t told him about me. Or is that why it feels possible to get close to him? Because for once, especially with what’s felt like stepping into a fairytale after the worst thing I could ever imagine happened, I’ve been jarred out of my usual, strictly controlled life? I letno onein. Ever.
But after you lose everything. . . Well, it all just seems ridiculous. What did all that control really get me? It didn’t protect me in the end. And Kharon knows me in this present moment, without a past.
Are we only a collection of past facts and memories? Or are we the person we are now, as we experince this moment?
It’s confusing and overwhelming to understand or try to untangle. Because for a terrifying moment that’s immediately followed by guilt, I feelfree.
Then the wind starts whipping up stronger, and all my focus is thankfully taken by the struggle to walk forward as snow begins pelting us from what feels like all directions at once.
Kharon moves in front of me to provide a wind break so it’s easier to walk. After a while, as the wind whips up even more, I can see that evenhe’sstarting to struggle. And it’s not just the wind. The snow is getting heavier, and the wind bites at my face like tiny, freezing bullets.
Kharon finally turns to me, and I see the concern in his features as he looks around at what I realize has quickly become a storm.
“We need shelter!” he shouts to be heard above the wind.
I nod and look around, lifting my hand above my eyes to try to see. But it’s useless because it’s quickly become whiteout conditions. I can’t see anything half a foot away from my own face. Helplessly I look back to Kharon.
“Can you see where?” I yell, barely able to hear my own voice.
His face has quickly gone from concerned toveryconcerned, if the furrow in his brow is any indication. He leans in so he’s all but yelling in my ear. “Can I carry you?”
“Yes! Tightly!” I scream back, panicking at the whipping wind that almost knocks me sideways. Being held by him last night wasn’t bad at all, and the way I’m starting to spiral, getting a squeeze sounds good about now.
Still, I’m not quite sure I’m ready when he sweeps me off my feet with his two upper pairs of arms. I yelp as the world goes topsy-turvy. Soon, I’m against his chest, locked in securely with two pairs of arms. I squeeze my eyes shut as he starts to run, burrowing my head against his chest to protect against the wind and pelting snow.
I sayrun, but he might as well beflying, just without wings and across the ground instead of in the air. We move at incredible speeds, but I don’t dare open my eyes. I can’t help the scream that comes out of my throat, and he holds me tighter against him. The wind is freezing at my back where his arms aren’t warm bands around me.
All around us, the storm howls louder and louder. Does he even know where he’s going? Whereishe going?
Is he trying to outrun the storm? Is that possible? Considering how fast we’re moving, maybe it is. I just want it to stop. I have a terrible feeling that the only way out is through, even if I have no idea where we’re going throughto.
Kharon moves with certainty, and I just have to trust him.
Trust is unnatural to me. But it’s not like I can stop and ask him if he knows what he’s doing. We’re barreling forwards at incredible speeds, and there’s no getting off this rollercoaster now that I’m on it.
