Josie shrugged. “It doesn’t matter.”
“It matters to me.” Willow was still holding her hand and attempted to hug her, but Josie ducked away. “Well, I’ll leave you to it then. Unless you want to visit some more tonight. If so, feel free to come to my apartment. I don’t usually go to bed until elevenish.”
Willow felt a cloak of sadness as she returned to her apartment. Josie was thirty-five but still acted like an adolescent, and Willow was afraid that she was to blame for most of it. She made a cup of jasmine tea and took it out to the terrace, mulling over the years and how they’d gotten stuck in this frustrating place. Would they ever get beyond it?
Willow knew Josie still held it against her that she’d spent her first thirteen years with her grandparents then been removed from their home against her will. When Josie was a baby, it felt like the best solution to leave her with Willow’s parents. It allowed Willow time to go to college ... and grow up. And even though Willow’s parents weren’t exactly conventional, they had a comfortable home, a source of income,and food in the fridge. Willow’s mother had been delighted to take in her granddaughter. So much so that a few years later, when Willow had gotten her bachelor’s degree and a job and finally felt ready to raise her child, her parents refused.
Her mother had insisted that Josie, who was about to start school, was better off with them. She had friends and a puppy ... and “no child should be raised in a smelly city.” After much discussion, they persuaded Willow to let them continue to raise Josie. And to be fair, Josie looked perfectly happy with them.
It wasn’t until shortly after Willow married Asher—and Josie had become a smart-mouthed adolescent—that Willow’s parents suddenly changed their minds. They’d already been through Willow’s wild teenage years and weren’t eager to do it again. Naturally, Josie had been angry to leave her friends and move to the Bay Area.
Willow had tried to be a good mother. She’d exposed Josie to all the culture San Francisco had to offer. And Asher, although claiming he was too old to parent, had done his best as well. But the middle school years were a never-ending battle. Josie seemed determined to be miserable—and since misery loved company, she was determined to drag Willow and Asher along for the ride. Admittedly, their parenting skills weren’t top-notch, but not for lack of trying. Willow was constantly encouraging Josie to try new activities—whether it was art or theater or dance or martial arts. Josie would go to a few sessions then either get kicked out or refuse to go. By the time she was fifteen, Josie was so defiant and disrespectful that Willow worried she’d wind up incarcerated. Despite thousands of dollars spent on counseling andtherapy, and various labels applied, Josie pulled farther and farther away.
During the counseling years, two labels were routinely attached to Josie. Borderline and narcissistic personality disorder, depending on the therapist. Although Willow had been opposed to medical treatment, she eventually gave in to the psychiatrist. Naturally, Josie used this as an excuse for abusing drugs, although she later confessed that she’d already been using. After getting kicked out of school during her junior year, Josie had begged to get her GED and move out with some friends. When she threatened to run away and live on the streets, Willow had given in. For a while, Josie’s life seemed to improve some. She actually got her GED and a barista job. Then she met Zeke ... and got pregnant. Willow had encouraged Josie to let her baby be adopted by a loving family. But Josie had insisted she and Zeke could handle it, and for almost a year they did. But a few months after Collin was born, it had all unraveled. Drugs entered the picture, a social worker was called, and Collin was removed from their home.
At Josie’s request Collin was “temporarily” placed with Willow and Asher—and for the next few years he was bounced back and forth. When Josie was doing “well” she would convince the court she was ready to be a responsible parent. And then it would fall apart. Finally, when Collin was almost four, Josie ran off to become a full-time band groupie, and the court awarded full custody to Willow and Asher. Although it hadn’t been exactly easy becoming full-time parents, it had been well worth it. Collin, who appeared to have been “born old,” had never been a problem. He and Asher became the best of friends. Willow really had nothingto complain about in that regard. Collin had enriched their lives.
She sipped her now lukewarm tea. Fourteen years later ... here they were—Josie still acting like an adolescent while her teenaged son was on the cusp of responsible adulthood.
ten
George’s last day of school went much as expected. Teachers were harried and distracted. Meanwhile the students were literally climbing the walls. Leo Brandt fell while scaling a column in the courtyard and after being transported by paramedics, the staff later learned he’d suffered a broken collarbone. By the end of the day George was so fatigued that he actually welcomed the onset of his “retirement.”
As he walked home, his steps felt sluggish. All he really wanted was a nice, long nap. Perhaps he would skip tonight’s graduation ceremony after all. The idea of another evening in a hot, stuffy, noisy gymnasium had no appeal. Because he’d promised Willow, he would still attend Collin’s party afterwards, but perhaps he would make an excuse to depart early. He could blame it on last-day-of-school weariness.
As George walked through town, he pondered what he might give Collin for graduation. What did teenagers like these days—well, besides those addictive electronic gadgets?Of course, Collin was not a typical teenager. The young man had good sensibilities. George paused outside the Book Nook. He hadn’t been in there in years but had always liked the cozy little shop. And as he pushed open the door, he immediately felt welcomed by the jingling of the bell and the dusty aroma of books. They carried both used and new books here and, unlike other bookstores, the Book Nook had not succumbed to the pressure of hawking cheap trinkets for impulse buying. Nor had they added an espresso bar.
“Can I help you?” a middle-aged woman asked.
“I’m not sure.” He rubbed his chin. “I think I’m looking for an Emerson book.”
“Ralph Waldo Emerson?”
“Yes. But I don’t want a paperback or even a new hardback edition if I can avoid it. I’d prefer an older copy. Not one that’s terribly old or dear, but something that feels substantial. It’s for a graduation gift.”
“We just got in some lovely used books this week. And I believe there were a couple of Emerson titles in the bunch.” She led him to a section in back, pointing to a shelf. “Here you go.”
George eagerly reached for Emerson’sEssays: First Series. “This looks perfect.” He carefully opened it, checking its spine and page condition. He paused to scan the list of essays, which he almost knew by heart. “‘Self-Reliance’ is in here,” he told the woman. “One of my favorites.”
“I haven’t read it,” she admitted. “But self-reliance sounds like a good topic for a graduate.”
He nodded as he turned it over to see the price. Although it wasn’t cheap, he felt it was worth it. Collin was the kindof young man to appreciate something like this. “I’ll take this.”
“Would you like me to wrap it for you?” she asked at the register.
“Yes, that’d be nice.”
“Do you want to inscribe it first?”
He considered this. “No, no, I don’t think so. I suppose I’m old school. I’ve never liked writing in books. Especially a collectible one like this.”
“Would you like a gift card—they’re free with purchase.” She pointed to a nearby rack of small cards. And while she wrapped the package, he neatly penned an Emerson quote inside the card. It was from “Self-Reliance”—a line that he’d memorized in college, and which sounded well suited for Collin.
A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin of little minds, adored by little statesmen and philosophers and divines. Ralph Waldo Emerson
He still liked the ring of those words ... and yet, as he slid the little card into the little envelope, he felt the jab of hypocrisy. Had his years of careful living turned him into a “little mind”? And if so, what could he do about it?
Although Willow was determined to remain patient in dealing with her prodigal daughter, it was a growing challenge. Not only had Josie and Garth attempted to turn Willow’s terrace into their personal smoking lounge, they’d left trash and personal items strewn about. Willow had remindedJosie that she would be busy getting things ready for Collin’s graduation party, hoping that even if Josie didn’t want to help, she might at least not turn the party area into a garbage dump.
