“I can understand that.Any thoughts as to what else you might want to do?”
“I have no idea.”And therein lay the crux of the problem.Not just for her, but between her and Ryan.She felt lost and had no idea what to do next, and he hadn’t exactly been there for her since he’d been on this latest deployment.
Maya blinked in surprise.“What?That’s not like you.You’ve always got at least six different contingency plans in place.”
“Not this time.”She sighed and kept walking.With her background and résumé, she probably wouldn’t have trouble finding a job as a commercial or private pilot.That didn’t hold much appeal, though, not after flying one of the most advanced and feared gunships in the world.She wanted to do something meaningful with her life.“I can’t help feeling like it’s just time for me to leave.”
“I get it.”Maya knew every bit of her story.
“After that mission where Ryan and I ended up in the mountains behind enemy lines together, flying was never the same for me.Now that I’ve fulfilled my contract, part of me wants to move on and do something else.Is that so wrong?”
“No, not at all.”Maya shot her a sideways glance.“What does Ryan say about all this?”
She pursed her lips.“We haven’t talked about it.”Not really.Because he hadn’t been interested in listening.And from what hehadsaid, it was clear he didn’t get where she was coming from.Atall.
She was hurt and angry that he couldn’t—or wouldn’t—see her side of things, and the time and distance between them this time around hadn’t helped matters.
She’d forced herself to drop the whole issue for the time being because she didn’t want to argue while he was overseas.He was part of the spear tip over there, one of the first to be put in no man’s land or behind enemy lines.There was always a good chance something might happen to him.It wasn’t fair to either of them to argue about her situation while they were apart, and he needed to be focused on his job, not distracted by her or their problems.It could wait until he got back stateside.
“What about you guys?You’re both pretty settled now.Planning on having kids anytime soon?”she asked Maya.
“Not for a while yet.We both love our jobs way too much.”Maya waited a moment, hanging back from the others so they could have more privacy.“Bet you’re excited to see Ryan when he gets here, huh?”she asked as they reached the main building’s front door.
Candace thanked Jackson for holding it for her and walked out into the cool fall air.“Yeah.”Just three more days.
The all-too familiar buzz of nerves started in her stomach again.She couldn’t believe she was actually nervous about seeing her husband again, but this time she was.
“How long’s it been since you’ve seen him this time?”Maya asked, her high heels clicking softly on the flagstone path that linked the main building to the one beside it.
“Eight months.How long was this last one for you and Jackson?”
“Five months and eleven days.Not that I counted or anything.”Maya studied her a moment.“You nervous?”
She shrugged.“I’m always a little nervous after we’ve been apart so long.”This time it was more than the usual nerves, however.She was a bit apprehensive, to be honest.Part of her worried that this homecoming would be less than idyllic.
Whenever they could swing it in the past, they’d managed to steal a few days away together when they were first reunited.Someplace quiet, away from home and family, where they could be alone and reconnect while Ryan adjusted to being out of a combat zone again.
The readjustment wasn’t as hard for her because she wasn’t on the ground in harm’s way the same way he was during a mission.The last time they’d snuck away together, she’d noticed a big difference in him.
He hadn’t slept much for those first few days he’d been back from Bagram, and he’d been withdrawn, which was totally unlike him.All part of the wear and tear on his psyche from the constant strain he was under in a warzone.
That was another reason she’d bottled up her feelings recently.She’d done her share of operations over there too, but from the sky, with the notable exception of when she and her crew had been forced to abandon their gunship that time during a rescue attempt gone terribly wrong.
It hadn’t been easy for her to get past it.If not for Ryan, she wasn’t sure she would have.
“I get it.”Maya’s appreciative gaze strayed to Jackson, a few steps ahead of them, talking to Erin and Wade.“Homecomings are the best though, aren’t they?”
There was no doubt Maya was anxious to get dinner over with so she could be alone with her husband as soon as possible.Candace didn’t blame her, because the long separations were hard on couples.“Yes.”
Sex was always the easy part though.After being apart for so many months, forging that physical connection again was the most natural.The problem was, the rest wasn’t always so easy to smooth over.
As a pararescueman, Jackson was in huge demand and served frequent combat deployments to Afghanistan and other hot zones throughout Africa and the Middle East.Unlike PJs, combat controllers like Ryan were off grid for long stretches at a time, on classified missions often conducted deep behind enemy lines.
Even with her top security clearance as an AFSOC member, there were only certain things Ryan could tell her about what was going on, and no amount of phone calls or e-mails while they were apart gave her the kind of deep, meaningful connection she craved with her husband.
It felt like they were drifting apart, and it scared her.
“Don’t worry,” Maya said in a cheerful tone, looping one arm around Candace’s waist and giving her a squeeze.“Us girls will keep you so busy over the next few days, the time’s gonna fly by.He’ll be here before you know it and then you guys can work everything out.”
