He cracked a grin. “Somehow, I think that would’ve been harder to pull off, what since he’s livin’ with your sister and all.”
“I was probably a better choice, that’s true.”
“You were definitely the better choice. But now that it’s over, we should probably get our stories straight.”
“What do you mean?” I asked, though my heart had already started sinking, the pit in my stomach opening wider, threatening to swallow me whole.
“You’ve already done so much, so I’ll follow your lead on whatever you think is best to tell everyone now that you’re free to go.”
My fingers stilled in his as I stared at him for a beat, and everything inside me stilled right along with them.
I had never known heartbreak. I’d made very certain that I’d never had to. Had kept myself at a distance from any romantic partner I’d ever been involved with. But I’d never kept myself ata distance from Nash and certainly not ever from Asher. How was I supposed to know it’d be my ultimate downfall?
I blinked away the hurt, hoping he hadn’t seen it. “Right. Of course.”
He linked our hands and squeezed. “You just tell me how you wanna spin this, and we’ll do it.”
I ducked my head and pulled my hand from his, swallowing down the hurt. The pain. The illusions I was under that somehow this farce had turned into something else. Something real.
I never should’ve listened to Rory. I’d spent days psyching myself up for a clean break, and then my brat of a sister had to go and fill my head with possibilities. Possibilities of a life with this man and these kids in a town I wasn’t sure I’d ever love, but I’d love those three enough to compensate for everything else.
“I, um… I was thinkin’ maybe we keep everything quiet for a bit,” I said. “Just so June and Owen don’t have any more upheaval. I’ve got that shoot comin’ up anyway, so we’ll just say I had to leave for that.”
“Right. That’s good. So, we’ll just sit tight for a bit, and then at some point, we can figure out divorce, I guess.”
Divorce.
God, if I didn’t get out of this room right now, I was going to burst into tears, and there’d be no hiding that from him. No amount of fake, plastered-on smiles would do anything to mask the pain.
“Yeah, sure. Whatever you think.”
It hurt to meet his gaze, but I couldn’t look away, every second we’d spent together in the past month flipping through my mind. So that was it, then. And now the two of us had to go back to being just friends.
But how was I going to be satisfied with chaste touches now that I’d felt his hands caress my body? How would I handleseeing him kiss another woman when I knew exactly what those lips felt like against mine?
“Your turn now,” he said, pulling me out of my thoughts. “What were you gonna tell me?”
“What? Oh, just, um, that I actually need to leave early for that shoot.” I pulled my toes out from under his leg and extricated my fingers from his, hoping he couldn’t hear the shake in my voice or see the sheen in my eyes. “They pushed up the date, so I should probably go get packed.”
“They did? When do you leave?”
“Super-early flight tomorrow mornin’,” I said, walking backward to the bedroom we’d shared. “I already texted Nash, and he’s gonna give me a ride. So I’ll just stay over there tonight.”
I barely made it into the bedroom before the tears started falling. I closed myself inside and sank back against the door, pressing the heels of my hands to my eyes.
Every other time I’d come to Havenbrook, I’d done so with my eyes already on the departure date. This had been the only trip in all the years since I’d been away when I dreaded the thought of getting on a plane that’d take me away from here. Away fromhim. Away from June and Owen and the cobbled-together life we’d been living and loving even in the face of unimaginable grief.
I wished I’d known I’d already experienced all the lasts with Asher. The last night I’d fallen asleep in his arms. The last morning I’d woken up, my limbs tangled in his. Our last kiss, the last time he was inside me, the last time he’d groaned my name.
Though that was usually the trouble with lasts—you didn’t know they were all you’d have until they were already gone.
CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
NAT
I’d lied.To be honest, I hadn’t even thought about it before the words had flown out of my mouth and I’d told Asher that the shoot had been moved up. The job dates hadn’t changed, but I hadn’t been able to stay there for another second.
Because I didn’t want things to be any harder on June, I’d left a note for her, saying I had to fly off for work and that I’d see her soon. I’d taken the easy way out. I knew that. But saying goodbye to Asher, even if he thought it was only for a little while, tore me up inside. And I couldn’t bear the thought of doing the same with those kids.
