After my crash course, I’d just been getting the hang of it and had really started to make some progress. And then Will had begged me to head to the hospital and bring Momma what she’dbeen asking for because Will didn’t have a break in her schedule for hours.
I had tried—and failed—not to dwell on the fact that Momma hadn’t reached out to me to ask for it. The events of the past few weeks had shone a light on how my family saw me and what they thought—or didn’t think—of me.
And I was getting really fucking sick of it.
I ground my teeth together as I sped down the interstate toward Memphis. Frustrated that no one seemed to think of me for anything and irritated that I didn’t automatically know how to do the job I’d been tasked with, I’d taken off without a word to anyone.
I probably should’ve told Hudson, but that would mean I’d have to talk to him, and I wasn’t in the right headspace to do so. I had too much else on my mind to dissect what last night with him had meant. How, while he’d been inside me, I’d wished, more than anything, that he could be there to love on me every time I needed a little extra push to fall asleep.
But that was nothing but a futile hope, and allowing my thoughts down that path of make-believe wasn’t good for anyone, least of all me.
Shaking my head, I gripped the steering wheel as I turned into the hospital parking lot. I’d have preferred I come here again on my terms and when I was ready to walk into the lion’s den—not knowing how Daddy was gonna react to me being gone while he’d been taken in,orme taking over for him while he was off for many weeks. No doubt, he’d find some way to take my absence as a sign I wasn’t ready for the job I’d been reluctantly given.
But, dammit, I could do this. If only everyone would start taking me seriously.
With a bag in hand, I strode down the ICU corridor toward Daddy’s room, psyching myself up for whatever awaited mebehind the door. I knocked once and waited for my momma’s soft, “Come in,” before I stepped foot into the room.
Momma sat in the chair next to the bed—it looked like it belonged across the room beneath the window, but I had no doubt Caroline Haven had rearranged things until they were to her liking. And after the talk she’d given all of us last night, I figured that meant she’d slept in that chair all night, holding Daddy’s hand.
“Hey, sweetheart,” she said, her voice not much more than a whisper.
I shot her a smile, then darted my eyes to Daddy. Even though I knew he was in the ICU and that he’d had major surgery…even though I’d prepared myself for what he might look like, none of that helped the reality of what was in front of me.
My proud and boisterous father was reduced to a pale, fragile-looking man hooked up to all kinds of machines. His eyes were closed, his breathing slow and steady, and I felt a knot form in my throat.
God, we’d almost lost him. He was a stubborn pain in my ass, and we’d never seen eye to eye for as long as I could remember. But hell if the thought of never being able to argue with him again didn’t send a wave of panic through me.
“Will said you needed some things?” I held up the bag before setting it on the windowsill.
“I did, thank you for bringin’ that stuff up. Nat forgot this mornin’. I swear that girl would leave her head behind if it wasn’t attached.”
“Where is she?”
“She, Gran, and Asher went to grab something to eat.” She held out the hand that wasn’t encased in Daddy’s and beckoned me closer. “Did you get some lunch?”
No, I hadn’t—how could I eat when I had all this shit weighing on my mind?—but I nodded anyway. Momma didn’t need another thing to worry about, and I was perfectly capable of feeding myself.
“Why don’t you come sit with me?” She patted the chair next to her—the space Gran had no doubt been perched in all morning, while Nat and Asher hung out in the waiting room in case they were needed.
I did as I was asked. Although, the last thing I wanted was to sit down. If I sat in this room, with the incessant beeping and my daddy looking too close to death’s door for my liking, then it’d all be real. Everything that had happened would be real, and I wasn’t sure I could take that.
After several long moments where my tongue felt like a lead balloon in my mouth, intrusive and unmoving, I finally swallowed back my fears to ask the question I’d been unable to bring myself to until now. “How’s Daddy doin’?”
“At least have the decency to ask me instead of your momma,” Daddy said, his voice low and so unlike the usual bark, I startled. “I’m right here.”
“Daddy.” I swallowed down my unease and leaned closer to my father, my eyes tracking over every inch of his face. “How’re you doin’?”
“I’d be doin’ a lot better if I wasn’t so damn hungry all the time…” he grumbled.
“Richard, we’ve talked about this.” Momma’s tone was firm, brooking no argument. “You’ve got a lot of food still left over from lunch.”
“You call that food?” He gestured to the plate on his tray, filled with a mostly untouched meal of chicken and vegetables. It looked like the only thing he actually ate was the Jell-O. “Maybe if you’re a rabbit. Which, in case you weren’t aware, I’m not.”
“Not a rabbit, no, but definitely a jackass.”
I couldn’t keep in my startled laugh, and I stared at Momma, slack-jawed. I’d never, in all my life, heard her talk to Daddy like that. I’d often wondered how someone so strong and opinionated could be married to a man like Richard Haven and not say a word to challenge him.
“Oh, don’t look at me like that.” Momma waved a hand toward me. “It’s not as if you haven’t thought the same thing.”
