“What do you know about it, anyway?” she snapped, yanking her hand out of my grasp. “You weren’t here when your family went through their own hell while your momma was in the hospital. You didn’t see what happened to them. But I did, and now I’m doin’ the same damn thing to my family.”
Ouch. Her words were meant to cut deep, and they did, though I tried not to take it personally. I knew the only reason she was lashing out at me—had ever lashed out at me—wasbecause she felt so comfortable with me. More comfortable than with her family. She felt secure in our relationship, and that was something at least.
It took a lot for Kenna to get to this stage, but I’d borne the brunt of her wrath a time or two during our twenty-year friendship. Like when Will had started dating Finn back in high school and pulled away from Kenna, leaving her behind without a second thought.
Instead of getting defensive—because, really, she was right. WhatdidI know about it? She’d seen whatever devastation had happened to my family because I’d been a continent away—I gripped her hips and tugged her even closer. Squeezed her a little tighter, just to remind her I wasn’t going anywhere.
At least not tonight.
“I wanna tell you a story.”
“Now’s not the time, Hud.”
“Now’s theperfecttime.” Without giving her a chance to argue again, I said, “You remember when I got injured?”
She stilled and settled a hand on my chest, her eyes searching mine. Swallowing audibly, she nodded. “Yeah.”
Yeah. Of course she did. It was the catalyst for our separation. The reason she’d pointed to that proved I didn’t have my head one hundred percent in the game, and that she was a distraction I couldn’t afford.
“When I was in recovery at the medical treatment facility, my team went on a mission without me. And not all of them came home.”
“Hud…” Kenna said, regret and sympathy seeping into her tone.
“I blamed myself for that for a long time.”
“Well, that’s stupid—it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t even there.”
I shrugged. “That’s what people told me, but it didn’t matter. I still thought if I’d been there, it all could’ve been avoided. At that time, I was a cocky kid who didn’t really even know his head from his ass, so I don’t know what the fuck I thought I could’ve done differently. But logic doesn’t come into play when you start down that spiral, does it?”
I looked to her, but she didn’t respond, her lip caught between her teeth as she darted her gaze over my face.
“You know what my mentor beat into my head a hundred times until I finally listened?”
“What?”
“Who’s to say if I had been there that things wouldn’t have been even worse? I beat myself up for a long time over the woulda-shoulda-couldas, but I finally realized I’d go crazy if I continued on that path. So, I let that shit go.”
“So, what you’re tellin’ me is I should let that shit go.”
“No, what I’m tellin’ you is it’s not your fault. Whatever happened with your daddy was gonna happen whether you were here or not.”
“But what if?—”
“We could play the what-if game all day, Kenna. But sometimes, you just have to take it for what it is and move on.”
She opened her mouth to say something else, but instead slumped against me as she gave me a slight nod.
I knew her well enough to know this wasn’t over. I may have won the battle, but I certainly hadn’t won the war. I had more work to do…I just hoped I could get it done in the little time I had left in Havenbrook.
The thought of leaving her in eight days sent a wave of adrenaline through me, making my hands tingle with the need for action. It was the same feeling I got on a mission. It was what allowed me to settle in and do exactly what I needed to do with a single-minded focus.
The only problem was, I had no idea what I needed to do in this situation, because my responsibilities were at war with my wants.
Iwantedto stay with Kenna. Build a life with her here in Havenbrook, but I couldn’t do that yet. I still had a responsibility to my country. Still had a responsibility to my late father, too.
When Kenna’s eyes fluttered closed as I tugged her to me, I got lost in the feel of her lips under mine, her tongue slipping into my mouth, her throaty groans as I took the kiss further and deeper. In that moment, I was desperate to act on the responsibility I felt toward her and nothing else.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
