“So what? You obviously weren’t, so just tell her that.”
“So what?” I asked incredulously. “Sowhat? So I opened myself up to someone other than you for the first time in my entire fucking life. I cracked my heart in two and laid it at her feet…showed her who I am—who Ireallyam and not who I project to everyone else. I showed herme, and she either didn’t care enough to see it or decided she didn’t like what she saw. So that’swhat.”
Beck blew out a long sigh and shook his head. “Look, man, I don’t know how things are between you two behind closed doors. And I don’t know what her history is or what kind of baggage she’s got, but we’ve all got shit. I’m going to hazard a guess and say she felt like she was backed into a corner. And people don’t always think rationally when they’re backed into a corner.” He gestured to our surroundings. “Case in point—your dumb ass out here because you’re scared.”
“I’m not scared.”
“No? Then you’re hurt. Or you’re just being an idiot. Or you can’t figure out how to own your shit and come out and tell her you love her. Take your pick.”
“I never said I loved her.”
Beck rolled his eyes so hard, I could’ve sworn I actually heard them. “I’m not going to dignify that with a response. But I’m guessing if she’s feeling insecure enough about your relationship that a random text from another woman was sufficient to set her off, you haven’t bothered to tell her that you’ve been obsessed with her for half your life.”
“For the last fucking time, I’m not obsessed with her. Jesus, you make me sound like a stalker.”
“Fine…you’ve beeninto herfor half your life. Better?”
No, that wasn’t fucking better because that made this even worse. Made this loss hit all that much harder. Because she was all I wanted. All I’d wanted foryears, and it’d taken me until recently to realize it.
To realize it, only to lose her in the end.
“You’re being an idiot,” Beck said.
“Awesome,” I said flatly. “Great pep talk. Thanks for that.”
“You want a pep talk? Fine. This is crunch time—which you should know, based on the number of romances you steal from Everly—”
“I don’t steal them!”
“—when the two idiots in the book can’t figure out their shit and they break things off because they’re too scared or too stupid to talk it out. Except this isn’t a book. This is happening in real life, in real time. And you’ve got to decide if you’re going to be the dumbass who buries his head in the sand and lets the best thing that’s ever happened to you slip through your fingers, or if you’re going to pull your head out of your ass and actually fight for something for once in your life.”
He pushed himself out of the hammock and stood in front of me, blocking the sun’s glare as he stared down at me. “This isn’t going to be handed to you, man. Not like everything else in your life has been. If you want this bad enough, you’re actually going to have to fight for it.”
* * *
It tookme all of twenty minutes after Beck left to come to my senses. My twin was a man of few words, which meant the ones he used generally held weight and should be listened to. So, I did.
And…he’d been right.
No two ways about it. Hadn’t I said the same thing to Cassidy at little league practice? That we all had off days, but the point was to show up and try again. That you didn’t give up if it was something you loved. And instead of loving Quinn like I needed to—likesheneeded me to—I’d been ready to give up. Ready to shove my head in the sand instead of facing things and putting in the work.
I was so used to things coming easily for me that I didn’t know what to do when I was presented with an actual challenge. And my wife was nothing if not a challenge—I loved that part of her. And she was a challenge I would gladly face every day for the rest of my life.
First, though, I had to make sure I had the rest of my life with her. I just had no fucking idea how to go about doing that. Not when I’d already been loving her every day of the past nearly eight weeks. I didn’t know how else to show her that.
But I was going to have to figure that shit out because I wasn’t going to lose her now that I’d finally gotten her. Not after spending fourteen years searching for everything she gave me.
I tossed my hammock and bag in the back of my Jeep and then climbed into the driver’s seat, intent on heading to the resort to do…something. I wasn’t sure what my next step was, but I knew I wasn’t going to find it out here.
Before I could pull out, my phone buzzed with an incoming text. I couldn’t stop the hope from rising, but it was quickly squashed when Addison’s name flashed on the screen.
Addison:
You’ve got a package at the main inn
Come pick it up because I’m not your fucking courier
Ford:
