Her fingers stilled in his as she stared at him for a beat, and everything inside her stilled right along with them. Nat had never known heartbreak. She’d made very certain that she’d never had to. Had kept herself at a distance from any romantic partner she’d ever been involved with. But she’d never kept herself at a distance from Nash and certainly not ever from Asher. How was she supposed to know it’d be her ultimate downfall?
She blinked away the hurt, hoping he hadn’t seen it. “Right. Of course.”
He linked their hands and squeezed. “You just tell me how you wanna spin this, and we’ll do it.”
She ducked her head and pulled her hand from his, swallowing down the hurt. The pain. The illusions she was under that somehow this farce had turned into something else. Something real.
She never should’ve listened to Rory. She’d spent days psyching herself up for a clean break, and then her brat of a sister had to go and fill her head with possibilities. Possibilities of a life with this man and these kids in a town she wasn’t sure she’d ever love, but she’d love those three enough to compensate for everything else.
“I, um… I was thinkin’ maybe we keep everything quiet for a bit,” she said. “Just so June and Owen don’t have any more upheaval. I’ve got that shoot comin’ up anyway, so we’ll just say I had to leave for that.”
“Right. That’s good. So, we’ll just sit tight for a bit, and then at some point, we can figure out divorce, I guess.”
Divorce. God, if she didn’t get out of this room right now, she was going to burst into tears, and there’d be no hiding that from him. No amount of fake, plastered-on smiles would do anything to mask the pain.
“Yeah, sure. Whatever you think.”
It hurt to meet his gaze, but she couldn’t look away, every second they’d spent together in the past month flipping through her mind. So that was it, then. And now the two of them had to go back to being just friends.
But how was she going to be satisfied with chaste touches now that she’d felt his hands caress her body? How would she handle seeing him kiss another woman when she knew exactly what those lips felt like against hers?
“Your turn now,” he said, pulling her out of her thoughts. “What were you gonna tell me?”
“What? Oh, just, um, that I actually need to leave early for that shoot.” She pulled her toes out from under his leg and extricated her fingers from his, hoping he couldn’t hear the shake in her voice or see the sheen in her eyes. “They pushed up the date, so I should probably go get packed.”
“They did? When do you leave?”
“Super-early flight tomorrow mornin’,” she said, walking backward to the bedroom they’d shared. “I already texted Nash, and he’s gonna give me a ride. So I’ll just stay over there tonight.”
She barely made it into the bedroom before the tears started falling. She closed herself inside and sank back against the door, pressing the heels of her hands to her eyes. Every other time she’d come to Havenbrook, she’d done so with her eyes already on the departure date. This had been the only trip in all the years since she’d been away when she dreaded the thought of getting on a plane that’d take her away from here. Away fromhim. Away from June and Owen and the cobbled-together life they’d been living and loving even in the face of unimaginable grief.
She wished she’d known she’d already experienced all the lasts with him. The last night she’d fallen asleep in his arms. The last morning she’d woken up, her limbs tangled in his. Their last kiss, the last time he was inside her, the last time he’d groaned her name.
Though that was usually the trouble with lasts—you didn’t know they were all you’d have until they were already gone.
* * *
Nat had lied.To be honest, she hadn’t even thought about it before the words had flown out of her mouth and she’d told Asher that the shoot had been moved up. The job dates hadn’t changed, but she hadn’t been able to stay there for another second.
Because she didn’t want things to be any harder on June, she’d left a note for her, saying she had to fly off for work and that she’d see her soon. She’d taken the easy way out. She knew that. But saying goodbye to Asher, even if he thought it was only for a little while, tore her up inside. And she couldn’t bear the thought of doing the same with those kids.
Because of that, she’d wiped her eyes, pasted on a smile, told him she’d see him soon, and then she’d fled. The only trouble was, not only did she not have an early flight to catch, but she also didn’t have anywhere to go. She couldn’t exactly go to her parents’ house, what since they thought she and Asher were happy newlyweds. Will and Finn were on their honeymoon, and Mac and Hudson were all the way out at their home on Havenbrook Lake.
So that was how she found herself knocking on Rory’s front door, bags in tow. The last person she wanted to see her crying like an idiot was her eldest sister, but she didn’t have much of a choice because, apparently, these tears weren’t stopping anytime soon, even if she didn’t know why. Her leaving had always been the plan. It was what she wanted. Not to be trapped by a person or place, so she sure had narrowly escaped that one.
“Who is it?” Rory called from inside.
“Just let me in,” Nat said, her voice barely a croak.
“Nat? What’re you—” Rory opened the door and froze as she appraised Nat, her eyes widening as she took it all in. Everything from Nat’s blotchy face to her tear-streaked cheeks to her red-rimmed eyes and finally to the bags at her feet. “What’s wrong? I thought y’all were gonna talk?”
“We did,” Nat said, forcing her way into the house. “Everything’s fine. Great, even! These are happy tears, obviously. Because now I can go to bed at four a.m. and sleep till the next afternoon if I want to. I don’t have to worry about nap schedules and playdates and makin’ sure there are enough granola bars to last June more than three days. I can eat chips for dinner and nothing but a bottle of wine for breakfast. I won’t constantly smell like baby powder or have to do laundry every single day just to keep up. And I can finally have regular pancakes again instead of agonizing over creatin’ animal-shaped ones, and it’s allfine.”
“Okay,” Rory said slowly. “You’re clearly not fine. You’re on the verge of a hysterical breakdown.”
“I’mfine,” Nat reiterated, wiping her cheek across her shoulder to dry her tears.
“Is that Nat?” Nash strolled toward them from the hallway and skidded to a stop when he registered her face. “What the hell’s the matter?”
