“Kenna, open up,” he said, his tone soft but firm. “We need to talk.”
She opened the door, not meeting his eyes, and breezed past him to head back downstairs. No good would come of them being so close to her bed. “Finally, we agree on something.”
He followed her downstairs and took the seat next to her on the couch, his elbows resting on his spread knees, hands clasped between them.
“I didn’t use a condom. I’m sorry. I didn’t—” He shook his head and scrubbed a hand down his jaw. “I wasn’t thinking.”
“I know. I have an IUD, though. And I’m clean.”
He exhaled a deep breath. “I am too. You know I’d never do anything to hurt you. I just lose my head around you, and—”
“I know,” she said again, sadness seeping into her tone. In a perfect world, she and Hudson could be together. But this world was far from perfect, and she needed to crush her heart all over again. “I do too. But this is exactly why we have to break this off.”
He snapped his head to her, his eyes on fire. “Absolutely not.”
She breathed out a sad laugh, her heart a physical ache in her chest. “This isn’t a negotiation. I’m doin’ what needs to be done.”
“Like last time, huh? You plannin’ to cut me out of your life again?”
That sliced deep, but she took his words because she deserved them. Shehadcut him out. Not because she’d wanted to, but because she’d felt she didn’t have another choice.
“You occupy every inch of my brain, Hud, and I can’t afford that right now.” She wanted so badly to reach out and touch him. Feel his warmth and unshakable solidness under her fingers, but she knew that would only make everything so much worse. “I know you don’t understand that. And I know you don’t think what I’m doin’ here is important—”
“I never said—”
“But I do. And I need to do this to prove myself.” She dropped her eyes from his gaze. Feeling the shame burning bright on her cheeks.
“After you left the first time, I was so lost. I didn’t know who I was without you because I never had to figure it out.” She took a deep breath and met his eyes again. “But I have. It’s taken me a long time and I’m still fumbling my way through, but I’m gettin’ there.”
“You can still be you and be with me at the same time, Kenna. Those two aren’t mutually exclusive.”
She shook her head, her resolve firm. “Your place is in the army and mine is here in Havenbrook, and that will always be the thing that’s keepin’ us apart…whether or not we love each other.” Her voice cracked on those words, and she swallowed down the tears that had lodged themselves in her throat in her effort to keep them at bay. She looked into the deep, brown eyes of the only boy she’d ever loved and shattered both their hearts. “But sometimes, love isn’t enough.”
Mac had no idea how walking away from Hudson could hurt so fucking bad when they hadn’t even been together in the first place. Logically speaking, this time should’ve hurtlessthan the first time he’d walked away. She’d already been without him for ten years, had learned to live without him here, and she’d been fine.
Okay, so notfine, but passable.
But now that she’d had these past three weeks with him, laughing and joking with her, challenging her,lovingher, she wasn’t sure how she was supposed to go back to how things used to be. She didn’t want to.
Thankfully, she had some time before she’d have to. Before she’d slip back into the status quo, where she simply coasted through her life with no real focus. No real drive. No real…anything.
Now, her focus was, blessedly, on Havenbrook and keeping things afloat while her daddy was in recovery mode, driving her momma absolutely crazy. So that was where she was spending nearly all her waking hours—from sunup to sundown, and a few extra hours on either end. Town hall had become her second home. And the strange part was, she was even starting to…enjoy it?
She wasn’t sure if it was the reprieve it provided from the sad reality that was her life, or if she really, truly liked being involved with the town in this way. She’d never really had a chance to challenge herself in anything but Wilderness Bound the entirety of her adult life, and this was kind of exhilarating.
She’d kept her word to herself and hadn’t rocked the boat—not really. So, she’d done a few little things here and there—like writing up a proposal for a new dog park, or propositioning Atticus and Darcy to sponsor a community garden in the unused space behind their businesses—but she’d left the big things alone. She hadn’t touched the town infrastructure that was in desperate need of an overhaul, from roads to bridges to public transportation, or even mentioned implementing an SAR team because of the large funds those items would take—not to mention the roadblocks she’d run into in the form of the good old boys for daring to bring new ideas to the table.
As many people as were passing on positive reports to her daddy of what she’d been doing at town hall, she knew just as many were doing the opposite and complaining about every step she took. She couldn’t win, but that was one thing she’d taken with her from pre-acting-mayor Mac—she ignored it as best she could and went about her business as if it didn’t bother her at all.
“All right, crazy pants.” Avery blew into Mac’s office in a cloud of red hair and irritation, her hands laden with takeout bags. “Since I’m obviously not going to get you out of here at a decent hour, I brought takeout.”
“You didn’t have—”
“Shut up.” She dropped the bags on top of the paperwork Mac had been reading over before shrugging out of her coat and tossing it on a side chair. “I’m starving, Will is already gone for the day like a normal human being, and I’m on duty for tonight.”
“What do you mean, you’re on duty? On duty for what?”
“Babysitting,” Avery said distractedly as she dug through the bags. “I swear, if they didn’t give me four fortune cookies like Ispecificallyasked for, I’m gonna—”
