At least not tonight.
“I wanna tell you a story.”
“Now’s not the time, Hud.”
“Now’s theperfecttime.” Without giving her a chance to argue again, he said, “You remember when I got injured?”
She stilled and settled a hand on his chest, her eyes searching his. Swallowing audibly, she nodded. “Yeah.”
Yeah. Of course she did. It was the catalyst for their separation. The reason she’d pointed to that proved he didn’t have his head one hundred percent in the game, and that she was a distraction he couldn’t afford.
“When I was in recovery at the medical treatment facility, my team went on a mission without me. And not all of them came home.”
“Hud…” Kenna said, regret and sympathy seeping into her tone.
“I blamed myself for that for a long time.”
“Well, that’s stupid—it wasn’t your fault. You weren’t even there.”
He shrugged. “That’s what people told me, but it didn’t matter. I still thought if I’d been there, it all could’ve been avoided. At that time, I was a cocky kid who didn’t really even know his head from his ass, so I don’t know what the fuck I thought I could’ve done differently. But logic doesn’t come into play when you start down that spiral, does it?”
He looked to her, but she didn’t respond, her lip caught between her teeth as she darted her gaze over his face.
“You know what my mentor beat into my head a hundred times until I finally listened?”
“What?”
“Who’s to say if I had been there that things wouldn’t have been even worse? I beat myself up for a long time over the woulda-shoulda-couldas, but I finally realized I’d go crazy if I continued on that path. So, I let that shit go.”
“So, what you’re tellin’ me is I should let that shit go.”
“No, what I’m tellin’ you is it’s not your fault. Whatever happened with your daddy was gonna happen whether you were here or not.”
“But what if—”
“We could play the what-if game all day, Kenna. But sometimes, you just have to take it for what it is and move on.”
She opened her mouth to say something else, but instead slumped against him as she gave him a slight nod.
He knew her well enough to know this wasn’t over. He may have won the battle, but he certainly hadn’t won the war. He had more work to do…he just hoped he could get it done in the little time he had left in Havenbrook.
The thought of leaving her in eight days sent a wave of adrenaline through him, making his hands tingle with the need for action. It was the same feeling he got on a mission. It was what allowed him to settle in and do exactly what he needed to do with a single-minded focus.
The only problem was, he had no idea what he needed to do in this situation, because his responsibilities were at war with his wants.
Hewantedto stay with Kenna. Build a life with her here in Havenbrook, but he couldn’t do that yet. He still had a responsibility to his country. Still had a responsibility to his late father, too.
When Kenna’s eyes fluttered closed as he tugged her to him, he got lost in the feel of her lips under his, her tongue slipping into his mouth, her throaty groans as he took the kiss further and deeper. In that moment, he was desperate to act on the responsibility he felt toward her and nothing else.
They’d been lying in Kenna’s bed for at least an hour. She hadn’t said a word since Hudson had pulled her into his arms and tucked her body tight against his. His cock had mostly behaved, somehow remaining at half-mast, which was a goddamn miracle when Kenna had her ass tucked right up against it.
Her breathing was slow and even, but he’d slept with her enough times to know she wasn’t actually asleep. There wasn’t the soft whistle of her breath or her quiet, sleep-induced murmurs. He didn’t know if she thought she could trick him into thinking she was asleep, or if she just needed the quiet time to get some mental clarity, but he’d place bets on the former.
He tightened his arms around her and pressed a kiss against her hair. “Why are you still awake?”
She was quiet for a moment, then sighed heavily. “Can’t sleep.”
“No? How come?”
