He breathed out a laugh. Her competitive streak was unshakable and one of the many reasons he loved her. “You really wanna race the guy who could drive there in his sleep?”
“Mmm…pretty sure I do, yeah.”
With a smile on his face, he climbed the back porch steps, pulled open the unlocked screen door, and stepped into the dimly lit kitchen. “You’re on. But I’ll know if you cheat and leave earlier.”
She gasped. “How dare you. I don’t need to cheat to win, Hudson Miller, and your losing ass should know that. I’ll be wavin’ from the front porch tomorrow when you pull up.”
With that, she hung up, leaving him wanting like she always did. God, he loved her, straight down to his bones. Had loved her for so long, he didn’t remember anything else. And he had no idea how he’d leave her. Being away at State last year had nothing on what was coming, when seeing each other wouldn’t happen a couple times a month—or even a couple times a year.
But he didn’t want to think about what was going to come of this weekend and the hard conversation they were going to have. He just had to focus on the fact that he was going to get a weekend alone with his best friend before leaving, and he hoped that’d be enough to make it right between them.
He pocketed his phone and glanced up, startling when he noticed his momma sitting at the kitchen table a few feet away. She met his eyes, hers red-rimmed and glassy.
“Momma? What’s wrong?”
He glanced around, hoping for a clue as to what the hell had happened while he’d been at the bakery, when something on the table caught his eye. An opened envelope sat in front of her, an unfolded letter atop, and without even looking too closely at it, Hudson knew in his heart exactly what it was.
All damn summer he’d made sure to intercept the mail before his momma’d had a chance to grab it. Just to avoid this very situation. The soul-crushing look in her eyes. The hunch of her shoulders as she curled over the papers. Of course, the one fucking day he couldn’t be home early was the one day something had actually been delivered.
“Momma…”
“I didn’t mean to open your mail. It was an accident,” she said, her voice soft but firm. “I didn’t even glance at who it was addressed to, just went whippin’ through the whole pile like always.” She shook her head and glanced down at the letter. “Can’t say this wasn’t a shock.”
A shock? That was an understatement. He couldn’t imagine what’d gone through her head when she’d read a welcome letter addressed to her son from the army. Especially when she’d specifically begged him to do anything with his life but follow in his daddy’s footsteps. Especially when Hudson had promised her. He’d stood right where he stood now and sworn to her that he wouldn’t enlist.
So much for promises.
“I’m—”
“When were you gonna tell me?” She glanced up at him, her eyes full of confusion and apprehension and…fear. For him. “Please tell me you were at least gonna give me a chance to say goodbye.”
Guilt clawed at his throat, thinking about how different the summer would’ve been if he’d told her at the beginning. The truth was, he hadn’t wanted to. It’d been selfish, and he knew that. But he’d wanted one last summer at home without her worrying eyes and fretting hands fumbling around him. He’d wanted to go off to basic training without all that sitting heavy on his chest.
Selfish fucking asshole.
“Of course I was.” He pulled up a chair next to her and sat, resting his elbows on his knees. “How could you think that?”
She tipped her chin toward the letter. “Says here you’re leavin’ in two weeks, so I don’t think it’s much of a stretch to assume the worst.” She blew out a deep breath and shook her head, unfolding and refolding the letter over and over again. “I don’t know what I’m more hurt over. That you kept it from me, or that you felt you had to.”
Hudson dropped his head between his shoulders, the weight of her disappointment hanging around his neck like a boulder. He’d known this was coming—that at one point or another, he’d have to have this conversation with her. He just hadn’t planned on it happening so soon. He thought he’d have more time to work up to it. Plan his words and how to soften the blow. But he’d been too wrapped up in figuring out how to tell Kenna—how to break the news to her that he wouldn’t be starting back up at State next week, but instead, shipping out to Fort Benning after she left. Without him.
His family should’ve been his first priority, but, just like always, Kenna had superseded everything.
He lifted his eyes to meet his momma’s. “I’m sorry.” The words weren’t enough. They felt empty and hollow, just like they had after his momma had gotten word of his dad. They hadn’t been able to walk ten feet in town without a chorus of sorries sounding around them.
But it was all he had.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” She lifted the letter and fanned it between them. “Delayed enlistment? You’ve been sittin’ on this a lot longer than the summer.”
He nodded, shame wrapping around him like a cloak. “I didn’t want you to worry.”
She huffed out a laugh and rolled her eyes. “Honey, I worry about you drivin’ into town. I’m your momma—that’s what I do.”
“But this is different.”
She tipped her head in agreement. “It is.”
“I tried.” He reached for her hand and cupped it between his, looking at how small it was in comparison. How delicate. But his momma was the strongest person he knew. “I put everything I had into State, but it felt like I was livin’ someone else’s life. And I couldn’t do it anymore. Not even for you.”
