Besides, it wasn’t like this was the only time they were going to do this. She didn’t need for this to be the perfect sex session, because there’d be plenty of tim—
Hudson’s groan ripped the thought from her mind as he settled deep inside her, his cock pulsing with his release while he chanted her name over and over again.
Mac held him, her arms wrapped around him as if she could keep him with her through sheer force of will alone. But it didn’t matter if the thought had been snatched away, because it was burrowing itself into every crevice of her mind, making her focus on only that. Theydidn’thave plenty of time together. And what they did have wasn’t guaranteed.
Her throat tightened, her eyes filling with tears that threatened to fall, but she refused to let them. She’d cried enough today, and she had no intention of doing it again. Instead, she held on to Hudson tighter. Held on with everything she had. Knowing, in the end, it wasn’t going to be enough.
Mac couldn’t sleep. Given she’d just had the most amazing sexual experience of her life—twice—she should’ve been out like a light. Instead, she stared at Hudson like a creeper, watching the smooth lines of his face as he breathed deeply in sleep. Where peace had eluded her, he seemed to be wrapped in it, the normally taut lines of his face and jaw relaxed and soft.
She couldn’t help herself from reaching out and touching him, running her fingers down the edge of his jaw, rough from his stubble. She traced the outline of his lips, her mind flashing back to everything they’d done to her in the past few hours as a bolt of heat shot down between her legs. He’d made her come multiple times tonight, and still, she wanted more. She was selfish and greedy, but she couldn’t find it in herself to be embarrassed or ashamed of it.
Instead of waking him as he’d suggested she do after their last round and before he’d promptly fallen asleep, she curled up next to him. Resting her ear over his beating heart, she closed her eyes and breathed him in, trying to exhale the ache that had settled deep inside her ever since he’d told her his plans.
How could she miss him already when he was right beside her?
Her heart broke a little more at the reminder of what she faced in one measly day. How could she possibly fit everything she wanted with him into a little over twenty-four hours? She couldn’t. She couldn’t even if they had twenty-fouryears.
She hadn’t tired of his presence in all the years they’d been friends. She was certain she wouldn’t given any amount of time in the future. And now that she knew their chemistry rivaled a science lab, she had no doubt they’d be explosive together in the best possible way.
But they weren’t meant to be.
Mac’s daddy had never served in the armed forces, but Hudson’s had. And for as much time as she and Hud had spent together, Mr. Miller had been like a second father to Mac. She’d been heartbroken right along with Hudson and his family when they’d gotten the news of Jack’s death.
She was going to spend the next four-plus years worrying herself sick over Hud—there was no way around it. She knew exactly what could happen to those who served their country. Exactly the devastation wrought if the worst imaginable outcome came to be.
And Hudson? Well, she knew him well enough to realize he’d be splitting his attention between what it needed to be focused solely on—his safety and well-being—and what he had waiting for him in Havenbrook.
He’d be preoccupied already with his momma and sister. But adding her to the mix? Adding a new relationship to the mix? He’d be distracted so much, his life—or the lives of those serving with him—might actually suffer because of it.
A tear slipped out of the corner of her eye as she bit her lip to quiet the sob that wanted to break free. She couldn’t be the reason he was distracted. Shewouldn’tbe the reason his safety was compromised simply because she was being selfish.
Attempting to maintain a new relationship was difficult enough, but add in long distance and daily threats to his safety…to hislife? It was too much.
The realization of what she had to do cracked her heart in two, split her right down the middle. Especially when she’d had a taste of exactly what she’d be giving up.
There was no stopping the flow of tears now as they dripped onto Hudson’s bare chest. She curled into him, knowing it would be the one and only time they’d sleep together like this. Because she had to do what was best for him, what would keep him safe and have him coming back to her.
Even if it meant breaking her own heart.
A rumbleof thunder shook the windows of the cabin, pulling Hudson from sleep. Memories of the past few hours flickered through his mind, and a smile lifted the corner of his mouth. Sweet merciful fuck, he’d actually gotten everything he’d ever wanted, and it had been better than he’d even dreamed.
True, he wouldn’t be home for several years for them to actually enjoy each other, but they’d make it work. It’d be difficult—he had no doubt of that—but if anyone could make it, it was them. He had no idea what would come after she graduated—where he’d be…wherethey’dbe—but they’d figure it out. Together. Just like they’d done everything.
He stretched, eyes still closed, and reached over, intent on pulling Kenna’s naked form atop him and continuing what they’d only barely started last night. He’d love to hear her breathy moans in his ear while rain battered the windows and lightning brightened the sky. When all he found next to him was bare, cool sheets, he cracked open an eye. The sporadic bursts of lightning streaking through the windows were enough for him to see Kenna sitting at the edge of the bed. Her knees were pulled up to her chest, one of his shirts stretched over them and cocooning her inside.
He glanced at the clock, noting it was a little after four in the morning. What the hell was she doing awake? Reaching for her, he wrapped his hand around her ankle and tried to tug her to him. “What’re you doin’ up? C’mere.”
She didn’t answer for long moments, and when she did, it wasn’t with words. Her soft sniffle, like she’d tried to stop it from happening, might as well have been a gunshot in the room.
He snapped upright and scooted closer to her, brushing the hair back from her face. “What’s wrong? What happened?”
Worry prickled along his spine, fear that he’d pushed her too hard, too fast, but the thought left as quickly as it came. She’d enjoyed herself and what they’d done, had even ridden him and taken what she’d wanted the second time.
Lightning streaked through the sky, illuminating the interior of the cabin and Kenna’s face. It was stricken, tears shining in her eyes, and the sight almost split his heart in two.
“Hey. What is it?” he asked, tugging her to him. He didn’t stop until she was in his lap, her cheek resting against his chest, his chin settled on top of her head. He wrapped his arms around her like he’d done a hundred times before, but it felt different this time. Weighted. Wonderful, despite her sadness.
Instead of answering, she shook her head against him, the wetness of her tears on his skin making his gut clench.
