Nothing they said was news to her—she’d thought those exact things about herself dozens of times. Her high demands and expectations had kicked her in the ass more than once, and they were something she’d vowed to work on. Something she was in the process of right now, actually.
As for the age difference…she’d worried about it more than once. Had wondered what kind of future they could possibly have outside of sex.
Or at least…she used to. Somewhere along the way, things had changed. For her, at least. Maybe when he’d cooked her dinner. Or when he’d stayed with Ella the day Ava had needed her. Or when he’d surprised her with a beautiful porch swing she hadn’t asked for. Or when he’d started showing up as a natural fixture in her life. Sometime in between their marathon sex sessions and their banter-filled days on the job sites, she’d fallen just a little bit in like with Nash.
But though she already knew all those things about herself, hearing them from an outside source—having her deepest fears and insecurities not only confirmed but used as reasons she didn’t deserve Nash—hurt like hell.
“All right, I got ’em,” Mac said from behind her. “They only had twelve packs of the pink left, so I got eight of the ivory. That cool, or do you want an even amount of each?”
Rory couldn’t find the brain space to respond to her, too stunned to do anything but keep right on listening to the Chatty Cathys around the corner. Despite having been in this snooping position enough times to know nothing good would come of it… Despite the fact that her stomach churned and her face felt as if it were on fire, she just couldn’t help herself.
“Rory,” Mac said again. “What—”
“Well, if Little Nash is anything like his daddy, he’ll get tired of her sooner rather than later,” Not Carol Ann said.
“Mhmm, poor thing. And now with Sean and Sarah Beth…” Maybe Verna tutted. “Still can’t believe he had the gall to propose! Right there in the Square for everyone to see.”
“Showin’ off and provin’ to everyone he’s moved on faster than Rory, I suppose. Bet those rumors about her and Little Nash pushed that timeline along a bit.”
“No doubt about that. I sure hope Sarah Beth’s smart enough to realize what she’s gettin’ into with that one. Once a cheater, always a cheater.”
“Mhmm. But you know, she was the one who—”
Their voices trailed off as they finally walked away, and all Rory could do was stand there, frozen in place, a package of fairy lights in her hand and her stomach in knots. It was too much to process. Confirmation that the people of Havenbrook saw her exactly how she feared, that her working relationship with Nash had been twisted to suit their narrative. Realization that Sarah Beth wouldn’t just be a thorn in her side for a while, but now a permanent fixture in her life—and in her girls’ lives—and the reminder that she wasn’t quite enough.Still, she wasn’t enough.
“Well,fuckthat guy,” Mac said, her voice too loud for the public place they were in. “Fuck him straight in his lying, cheating, no-good—”
“Mac.” Rory shook her head, smoothed a hand over her hair, and placed the package of lights in her buggy. “I’ve almost got everything on my list. Just need to run over to the fabric store and grab some tulle to wrap these lights in, then we’ll be all set and can head back to Momma’s to start decoratin’ the backyard.”
“Rory…”
“Everything’s fine.” She pasted on a smile, but it felt brittle. “I’m fine.” Except it wasn’t.Shewasn’t. And she wasn’t fooling anyone, least of all herself.
She’d spent years not being fine and had faked every second of it—had tricked every single person in her life to believing it. But somewhere along the way, she’d forgotten how to hide that part of herself. Forgotten to keep that fake smile plastered on her face every second of the day. Forgotten to step into town with her armor on.
Without realizing it, she’d been letting the real her shine through.
She’d need to keep that armor firmly in place now, though, because something was playing on repeat in her mind and wouldn’t let up. A worry that’d been eating at her since that very first night with Nash, a whisper those women had turned into a roar.
If she couldn’t hold on to a guy like Sean—someone who was a mediocre father, a shit husband, and an even worse lover—how did she ever expect to hang on to one like Nash?
Rory had spentthe afternoon and early evening with her momma, sisters, and daughters, setting up the backyard for Gran’s party. Fortunately, the busywork had kept her mind occupied, and she hadn’t been able to dwell on the thoughts that had consumed her at the store.
Now, though, back in her house, with her daughters at their father’s—no doubt hearing all about the upcoming wedding—there was nothing to do but play those worries on an endless loop in her mind. Even if she worked tirelessly, continued to grow and change, would she ever be enough?
Her phone pinged with a text, and she stretched to grab it from the side table. She wanted to silence it, but she didn’t like to do that while the girls were gone. Especially not since the call she’d gotten from Ava. She wanted to make sure her girls knew they could call her anytime and she’d be there without hesitation.
She flipped the phone over in her hand, seeing Nash’s name on the notification screen.
Netflix and chill? (Both kinds…)
If she weren’t in such a shit mood, the simple text would’ve made her smile. It’d been something they’d joked about since the evening she’d said it. Before, she’d always laughed—had found amusement in his amusement, even if it was at her expense because he’d been laughing with her not at her. But now, it served as just another confirmation of how obvious it was that they didn’t belong together. Apparently, everyone else in town could see it. Why couldn’t she?
It’s been a day. I’m not good company.
The three dots popped up to indicate he was typing something before they disappeared. She stared at the screen for another minute, waiting for them to show up again. When they never did, she tossed her phone onto the cushion and curled into the arm of the couch, hugging a throw pillow to herself.
Ever since she’d gotten home, her chest had been aching over what she’d heard. Never once did any of the talk of her situation with Sean bother her this acutely, so why was this getting to her so much? What made this different?
