It Wasn’t Her. It Was Definitely Me. But I Lost Her Anyway.
I really didn’t wantto write this article. It’d be easier just to stop. To mourn this loss on my own, without so many strangers out there witnessing my failure. But that seems unfair. And it’s also not completely true.
Because while I have come to the conclusion that the thing that tore us apart might be too big to overcome, I know that the work I put in to heal was worth it for me. Now I can look at my reflection and not hate what I find. Now I know that I’m not to blame for all the tragedy that’s befallen my family. And now my family is here, in the same city. So I’m not alone. And honestly, I never was.
This may not be the happy ending you were all hoping for—nor was it what I hoped for—but it is stillahappy ending.
I think maybe some people come into our lives for a short time but stillmake an impact that will forever affect us. And that’s what you were for me, baby girl. You changed me. You helped me see that there’s more to life than how I was living. You pushed me to be a better man, and for that, I’ll always be grateful.
Above all, you taught me what true love is.
So while this may be goodbye, it’s also a thank-you. You are the love of my life, and it was the privilege of my lifetime to love you. I only want you to be happy. And I want you to know that if you ever need support, I’m here. No questions asked, no expectations needed.
But as for everything else, I’m letting you go.
As Josie bounces up to my side, I quickly click out of the article. “It’s freaking freezing in here.”
“It is an ice rink,” I grumble. My mood has tanked over the last couple of days. I’ve probably read Camden’s column a dozen times, and no matter what I do, the words don’t change. The outcome remains the same. It’s over. Officially.
And tonight isn’t about me. This is Addie’s last PWHL game.
“I know I should be used to it,” she says. “But I don’t think it’s possible. I’m always freezing. I think it’s because of all the meds they pumped into me as a kid.”
I wrap an arm around her and squeeze her tight. “Well, then let’s get you out of here and into the warm bar.”
She grins as I release her. “Nowthatsounds like a plan. I’m sure Beckett went all out for the party, so I’m getting top-shelf booze.”
A hint of joy weaves through the full-body ache I’ve had for days. The Langfields are throwing a surprise retirement celebration for Addie at Ground Zero, and we’ve all been sworn to secrecy. Addie thinks they’re going to dinner, just the family, afterward. She should know better. Her dad would never allow such a low-key celebration. Josie and I even packed a sexy black dress in case Addie shows up in jeans and a T-shirt, thinking it really is just family dinner.
“Sutton already leave?” I ask, looking around for our friend.
Josie nods. “She’s riding over to the party with Royal.”
Affection blooms in my chest. Sutton is still seeing the guy she met at Camden’s party in December, and she’s yet to tell him she loves him. After five months, he still follows her around like he’s an adorable little puppy. She’s taking things slow, wanting to see what will happen after hockey season and the two of them spend some real time together. Josie and I have already decided that there’s no way they won’t spend the entire summer together in Monhegan, and we’re taking bets on whether they’ll be engaged when September rolls around.
But who knows?
She says she learned a lot from my articles, so I suppose I accomplished what I set out to do in the beginning. I helped her slow down and enjoy each day as she started a new relationship, and she does seem genuinely happy.
By the time we get to Ground Zero, the place is packed, though Addie hasn’t arrived yet.
When we spot Sutton and Royal chatting with a few other Bolts players, we head that way.
“Addie just texted,” she tells us when we greet her. “She says she’ll meet us after dinner.”
“So she still has no idea,” JJ muses.
Behind him, Avery is seated at a booth with a coloring book, along with three other kids and a woman with long reddish-brown hair.
I eye JJ “Who’s that?”
“That’s Hope, Theo’s sister,” Josie says before JJ can.
At the sound of her name, Finn steps closer. “She just moved back from Nashville. Her dickhead of a husband left her.”
Beside me, Josie snorts. “And Finn here is very protective of her.”
He rolls his eyes, his dark, messy hair hanging over his forehead. “How could anyone do what that jackass did and then walk away from his own kids?” He clenches his jaw.
