I’d like to think that with or without Calliope’s Column or the bet, I’d have called *Calliope* after I met her and asked her out on a first date. But I’m not sure that’s completely true, and since I’m determined to get this right, I’m going to be as honest as I can.
Without the bet, maybe I’d have run for the hills the first time she mentioned kids, but I don’t think so. To be honest, the bet was the last thing on my mind the night I met her. When we stood together, just the two of us, that first time, the world stood still for a few minutes.
But regardless of what might have happened, therewasa bet. My friend’s wife pointed out that I rarely go on more than a date or two with a woman before moving on. She said if I made it three months with one woman, she’d give me something that meant a lot to me, so I agreed.
I didn’t date Calliope, pursue her, or fall in love with her to win that bet. My reasons were far more selfish. I did it because Calliope made me happy. Because for the first time in my life, I really was thinking about kids and marriage and settling down.
But I should have told her about the bet. The funny part is, if I had, she would have laughed. She would have gone along with it too. Because we both knew we’d make it to that three-month mark. We both knew that what we had was forever.
So, Calliope, from the bottom of my heart, I’m sorry that I let you think, even for a moment, that it was about anything but you.
I asked her to come back home, but she said no. And you know what? I’m glad. I need to earn her, and I can’t do that until I fix me.
But here’s my promise to you, baby girl: I’m going to do that. And don’t go easy on me. Make me work for it. Because you deserve it. But know this: you will always have a home with me. And I love you. Every day. WhetherI’m with you or not. And I’m so proud of you. I just need to learn how to be proud of myself too.
Until then, know that I’m here, and I’m always yours.
How You Get the Girl:
It Wasn’t Her. It Was Definitely Me. And I’m Working on It. I Promise.
Today is an important day for a few reasons. Some good, some depressing as hell. I’ll start with the good first.
Today, I went to my first therapy session. Though almost every second of it was awful, I got to talk about her. I allowed myself to remember the good moments. To relive the night we met and think back on how we fell in love. I felt validated because speaking it out loud, memorializing our story, proved, beyond a doubt, that it was real. It wasn’t lust. It wasn’t too soon. And it was beautiful.
Then my therapist reminded me that if I had any shot of getting that back, I had to talk about the hard stuff. So that’s what we’ll do during our next session.
As of today, it’s been two weeks since I blew up our lives. It kills me to think that it’s gone on this long already. That it’s been over a week since I saw you. I miss you, baby girl. I know it seems like I’m not coming for you. No, I haven’t called. And I won’t. But it’s not because I don’t want to. It’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because I need to change and I don’t deserve to make that call until I’ve done it.
So please remember that I love you and I’m doing everything I can to come back to you.
Until then, know that I’m here, and I’m always yours.
How You Get the Girl:
It Wasn’t Her. It Was Definitely Me. And I’m Working on It. I Promise.
Maybe this admission isn’t the most romantic, but not everything in a relationship is, I suppose. The first night I met *Calliope*, she asked me about kids. For those who have been with us since the beginning, you probably remember it was her first attempt at pushing me away.
It backfired tremendously, because it stopped me in my tracks. For so long I thought that part of my life had passed me by. I’m older, as she’ll happily tell you with a teasing smile.
God, I miss your smiles, baby girl.
Because I haven’t been in a long-term relationship in my adult life, I’d never considered that I might not be able to have children. Never worried. In fact, I think most men just assume we can knock a woman up anytime we want.
But my brilliant sister recently pointed out that might not be the case. And since I want that—I want it with you so bad my chest aches, baby girl—I went to the doctor to make sure that’s a possibility for us.
So here’s a friendly reminder in case you have a man in your life who doesn’t have an awesome sister like me: tell your man to make an effort when it comes to family planning. It’s not just on you. If a man loves you, he’ll be thrilled to do this for you. Or not exactly thrilled, but he’ll go.
I’d go anywhere for you, baby girl. Do anything to be with you again.
Until then, know that I’m here, and I’m always yours.
How You Get the Girl:
It Wasn’t Her. It Was Definitely Me. And I’m Working on It. I Promise.
Today, my therapist asked me to make a list of five things I’m grateful for. I’ll admit that I was in a lousy mood. I don’t know how to do this anymore. With each day that passes, it feels less likely that I’ll get her back. Her smell no longer lingers in the house and I’m beginning to forget the sound of her laugh. It’s been months. I still have work to do. I’m not who I need to be for her yet. And today I was drowning in that.
