Immediately I feel bad about that. Because I took away Savannah’s only safe space tonight when I revealed that I’d talked to Josie. I don’t deserve friends if she doesn’t feel like she has anyone.
“I…” I scan my friends faces, words failing me.
War slaps my shoulder. “Shoot first, then talk. We got time.”
I nod, grateful that these guys know me.
For a good twenty minutes, we hit puck after puck. Aiden, hotshot that he is, plays it like a game of pool. We tell him which part of the net to hit, and he aces it every time. He learned that from Noah. Beauty was one of the best snipers to ever play. We were all fortunate when he took over as GM after he retired, not only because he always does right by his players, but because he’d spend hours out here, teaching us how he did it.
Aiden, naturally, was the only one of us to master it.
My shoulders have relaxed and my chest has loosened, and the bantering is in full swing when Aiden breaks out in song.
And for the first time in a fucking week, I actually laugh. It’s loud and sharp and filled with emotion. It takes a second to get a hold of myself. When I do, I slap a hand over my mouth. What the fuck am I doing laughing?
“Hey,” Daniel says, getting in my face. “It’s okay.”
With more force than I should, I push him away. “It’s not okay. I fucking broke her.” I smack my chest. “Just like I break everyone. First it was my fucking sister. She ran away because I kept a huge secret from her. Then my father. He’s only dead because he got on that fucking plane to see me. My mother hates me, and to make it worse, I’m an asshole who’s grateful that she doesn’t remember most days. That though she might not know twenty years has passed or that my father’s dead, at least she doesn’t look at me with contempt. That when she sees me, she hugs me, and for a little while, I have my mom back. How fucked is that?”
My voice echoes around the arena for a solid couple of seconds after I snap my mouth shut.
“It’s not fucked at all,” War says softly. “I’d give anything to have that with my mom.”
I drop my head and lace my fingers at my nape. “And I hurt Savannah. Somehow she found out about the stupid bet. The one I couldn’t give two fucks about and haven’t cared about since the beginning.”
“Hannah will explain. I’ll explain,” Daniel says. “We see the way you look at her. Those feelings have nothing to do with the bet.”
I shake my head. “It won’t matter. I broke her.” I force my head up, meeting Daniel’s eyes, and blow out a long breath. “She’s Tara’s daughter.”
His mouth drops open and his stick clatters to the ice.
“Who’s Tara?” Aiden asks.
“His high school girlfriend,” War explains. “She cheated on him with his best friend. Ended up pregnant with the asshole’s baby.”
“Fuck,” Brooks mutters.
I blow out a breath. “Yeah, fuck.” I pull on my hair. “How the hell am I going to fix this? I pushed her away when I found out. I lost it. I?—”
“You felt like you were drowning,” Aiden finishes. “Like you couldn’t catch your breath. And pushing her away felt kinder than dragging her down with you.”
My head snaps up. “Yes.” I frown. “How did you know?”
Aiden’s expression is filled with sympathy. “Because I’ve been there. Remember my panic attack on the ice? My life hasn’t been half as traumatic as yours, but my mind was fucked up and I couldn’t see past my own pain.”
“Have you talked to anyone?” War asks, brows furrowing. “Like a professional? About what happened back in high school?”
The chest tightening is slowly creeping back in. “Like a therapist?”
He nods.
“We all had to go to therapy when we played,” I say.
“That’s not what he asked.” Brooks swallows audibly. “After Seb’s betrayal…finding out that the person I looked up to, my mentor and uncle and our coach, had cheated on my aunt, had lied for years about who he was, had taken advantage of Sara, I was totally consumed by anger.”
“He almost killed that asshole,” War agrees.
“I probably would have too,” Brooks admits. “If he”—he nods at War—“hadn’t stopped me.” Green eyes downcast, he lets out a heavy breath. “I would have sliced his throat with the blade of my skate.”
