Sniffling, he walked over to the door and pushed it open with a pained expression on his face. His tears were running like Usain Bolt at this point, and it was making me even more emotional. So much for not ruining my make-up.
“Angel, itisup to you if we get married today. As much as I can’t live without you, I can’t keep forcing you to do shit either,” he rolled his index finger around in a circle near his head. “For the last eight days, I’ve been replaying everything over and over in my mind and it finally hit me. I do push you into doing shit that you probably don’t want to, but you do it out of love for me. All of this,” he tossed his hands around. “…is a prime example of me tryna force something on you. I’m sorry. I’m so…fuckin’ sorry, so if you wanna leave, Angel, I’m not gon’ stop you this time. Ima be right behind you. I’ll deal with whatever bullshit that comes from Casa, but it’s on you what we do next. Not me.”
His voice cracked slightly with his last few words as he stepped out of the doorway, giving me space that he never really gave before. Xy was an Alpha male through and through, so leading was natural to him, but most of the time, that leading could be overbearing. He was right about one thing; sometimes I did things for him out of love, not because Iwantedto. But because I was so madly and blindly in love with him, that it was hard to saynoto things. Today, however, he was giving me the option to sayno, and I didn’t like that.
I panicked because I didn’t like how the freedom felt that he was giving me. It was weird as fuck. I ran from the nigga because Iwantedthe freedom to do me and make my own decisions, so why didn’t it feel good? It’s like when people get kidnapped and spend years with their abductors, and then when they’re found and returned to their families, they want to go back to their abductors. There’s a psychological term for this shit, I’m sure of it, I just can’t think of it right this second.
“It’s your choice, Angel,” he told me, his lip quivering with his hand resting on the doorknob.
Staring at him, Xyleek wasn’t the villain I had grown accustomed to. He was just the man I was so painfully in love with that it scared me shitless. He annoyed me, consumed me, loved me wayyyy too hard, and yet, I still only wanted to choosehim. No matter how much I tried to fight or deny it, Xyleek was my person. My crazy, dysfunctional, obsessive-ass person, and I was sticking beside him.
“My choice is you,” my hand gently touched my belly through the expensive fabric that was now stained with my running makeup. “And this baby, Xy.”
“I-i-it is?” he sputtered in complete shock, his hand clutching the center of his chest like he was trying to prevent a heart attack.
I nodded with a soft smile, taking a small step toward him. “Yes. I want this beautiful, chaotic life with only you. I want to marry you, Xyleek, and not because Ihaveto but because I’mchoosingto.”
Falling to the floor on his knees, a loud sob came from him as his entire body shook with relief. Inching over to him, I kneeled and comforted him the best way I could. That man was crying from the depths of his soul, and I understood why. Just the thought of giving me the choice to leave him was the scariest thing he’d ever done in his entire fuckin’ life. But he did itbecause he loved methatmuch. When he finally lifted his body, and our gaze locked on one another, I could see the relief and joy in his bloodshot eyes.
“I’m gon’ be better,” he wiped his face. “Ima love you right, and Ima be gentle with you, Angel, from this point forward. Ima respect your boundaries, I swear to God I am. Ima get this shit right and protect you and our baby at all costs.”
I cupped the side of his face, searching deep into his eyes. “I know you will, bae. Ima protect us, too. And I promise, Ima stop running but Xy, you gotta give me room. Your love is…toxic and intoxicating all at the same time. That shit is heavy, so sometimes it get suffocating. I think…you love me so hard that you forget I’m a person, too. A person that has thoughts and feelings and fears and needs that you can’t control all the time.”
“I know,” he sniffled and bit his top lip for a few seconds. “I know.”
“I understand your level of loving comes with a whole lotta extra shit, but babe…getting to know mypharmacistis a bit fuckin’ insane. I mean…you can admit that, right?”
He blinked a few times, his tears slowing down while it looked like he was carefully considering the answer to my question. “I don’t see anything wrong with getting to know the woman who was responsible for handling the medication you put in your body.”
“Xyleek!”
“Okay, okay,” he chuckled a little before leaning forward and kissing me gently. “I love you, Angel.”
“I love how you’re not admitting how insane you are,” chuckling and shaking my head, I stood up and extended my hand in his direction. “We doing this?”
Grabbing on to my hand, he raised to his feet and exhaled deeply. “We’re doing this, but first, you need to change yourdress. You not gon’ cuss me out while we’re on our honeymoon ‘cause you took pictures in a dress that got stains on it.”
“Baby, I don’t have another dress,” I looked around the room to make sure I hadn’t missed it. “Have a photographer edit them.”
“I figured you’d be crying today, so I bought you two of the same dress. Down the hall, there’s a completely different suite set up for you. Makenna, Rae, and your mother are in there, and I can send the make-up artist up to re-touch your makeup.”
“Thought this shit out, huh?” I squinted at him, thankful for his thoughtfulness in the moment.
“Of course,” he beamed with pride. “You gon’ look beautiful no matter what, Angel, but I want you feeling your best when you walk down the aisle to me.”
Nodding, I let him guide me down the hall where I could hear my mother and Ken laughing. That made me smile, and I wasn’t even sure what the fuck he said to get them to Italy, but I was glad he did. There was no damn way I could get married without them by my side.
“After you’re done, I’ll be downstairs waiting for you to become Mrs. Chambers.”
“Promise me you’re not gonna panic if I take too long,” I teased him.
He chuckled and kissed the back of my hands. “Nah, no more panicking, Drek. We’re ready for this now, so I ain’t gotta panic. I know you gon’ walk to me down there, and I can’t wait. I love you.”
“I love you more, insane man.”
Laughing, he bit the corner of his lip and stared at me in silence for a minute before slowly backing away like he was never gon’ see me again. He was though because I had no more intentions of running, and I damn sure wasn’t gon’ leave him at the altar.
For the first time in the last eight days, I felt unequivocallycertainabout my future with Xyleek, which was a scary thing to say. Loving him wasn’t easy. In fact, that shit was utterly exhausting, but at the same time, completely worth it. With him, I wasn’t trapped at all. It was more so like I was anchored to him in love, and a lot of chaotic obsession, but most importantly, love. The best part was that I wasn’t scared to walk in it with him ‘cause I knew we were walking together, and that was all I needed.
