“What?”
“Kenna, you been giving me the cold shoulder and as much as I like toactlike I don’t give a fuck, I do. You and Rae are my hearts,” I spoke about my best friend. “So say what you need to say.”
She shrugged and sat back in her chair. “I think I said everything I needed to say the last time I saw you, Dreka. Getting back with Xy is a mistake and a disaster waiting to happen, but if you’re down to go through a bunch of bullshit again, I can’t stop you.”
See, the difference between my parents and my God-sister was that theypolitelycalled me stupid. Makenna didn’t give a damn how her words sounded coming out. She said exactly what was on her mind and let me deal with my emotions of it after the fact.
“Oh, and before you say,” she sat up straight again, so I knew I was about to get a mouthful. “He’s changed,” her mockery tone made me laugh just a little. “That niggaalwayschanged after he’s got you and him caught up in some bullshit. That’s your favorite line about him, Dreka, and I’m honestly sick of hearing it. According to my husband, Xy has changed and wants to do right, but how many times has he said that? And then how many times has he proceeded to drag you by your edges through the streets of Virginia? Andthen,how many times has he gone to ‘see the lady’ to stop him from acting like the world’s biggest asshole for the next time? How manynext timesdoes the nigga get? I mean gahdamn. You’re on your shit, you’re fine as fuck,anynigga would be lucky to have you, yet Xy doesn’t realize what a privilege it is to be in your presence. Hell, I know that and I’m not even fuckin’ you, so what’s that say about him?”
“I thought you said everything you needed to say the last time you saw me?” I squinted at her.
She pushed her middle finger in the air. “Don’t piss me off, D.”
“Sorry,” I giggled, twisting my lips to the side as I allowed her words to soak in my mind.
Makenna wasn’t wrong…she rarely was, and that shit annoyed me to no end. Every time she thought Xy was cheating, he damn sure was, and she was there to pick up the pieces.
“You know I love you, which is why I have to say the harsh shit that no one else will probably say. Rahdreka,” she sighed and leaned forward on her desk with her forearms. “I’m always with you, right, wrong, or indifferent but this? This just seemsreckless considering the work you did in Idaho. It’s the same story, different month. He promises he changed, you take him back, he fucks up, I clean up the mess, you cry your heart out, you get yourself together, and then there that nigga is again with theI’m a changed manspeech. The very definition ofinsanityis doing the same shit over and over and expecting different results. I mean…you ain’t insane…are you?”
The look on her face made me laugh. “I guess I’d have to be to stay on this merry go round. And I know, Ken, I know what this looks like, but I can’t explain it. I really do think he’s different this time.”
“Listen,” she drew in a deep breath and pressed the palms of her hands together. “Let’s just say there’s a pitbull who bites a muthafucka, but he’s wearing a green collar, right? He just keeps biting niggas, so his owner thinks to himself maybe if I get him a new, fancy collar, he’ll stop biting people. The owner buys the pitbull a diamond collar and guess what? The dog bites somebody again. You are the owner. Xy is the ugly ass pitbull. He keeps doing the same thing, but you think that if he comes to you with a new story or a new version of himself…he’s gonna be different.”
Everybody had damn analogies today regarding my love life. I didn’t expect anyone to understand it, I just wanted them to respect it a lil’ bit. That might’ve been wishful thinking though.
“Makenna…”
“You’re gon’ do what you want,” she waved me off, already knowing what I was about to say. “Go ‘head on with your ugly ass pit. When he bites you, please don’t expect me to help bandage your wound this time. I’m all out of bandages and tired, so I know you have to be tired, but if you have the energy for another lap with that nigga, be my guest.”
I could feel the tears wanting to start, but Makenna wouldn’t give a damn if I cried. Actually, she would probably turn itinto another lecture, so I gave her ass a quick hug and left the building just as quick. I needed a blunt and a spa day, and that’s exactly what I intended to do with the rest of my day.
Chapter Seven
Xyleek
Finishing up my sketch of the engagement ring I wanted designed for Drek, I closed out of the app and placed my iPad down. I sat up and watched her swim laps from one end of the pool to the next effortlessly. My baby loved the water, and I loved to watch her in it. Drek’s body was naturally crazy, so seeing it in a bathing suit made my tongue hang and my tail wag.
The sun was shining on her beautiful brown skin just right, and every time it caught the diamonds around her ankles, it made me think about putting her feet in my mouth. That was the thing about Dreka; no matter how long she had been mine, every little thing about her still drove me crazy. It made no sense how bad I had fucked shit up with us and all of that for what? Just for me to still end up back in front of her, on my knees begging for another chance I really didn’t deserve.
Dragging my hand down my face, I thought back to all the chaos I caused for both of us. I did that shit for so long and so well that I forgot that justbeingwith Drek was a different type of peace on its own that I took for granted.
She swam up to the edge of the pool, resting her head on her arms and locking her eyes on me. “Why you look like that?”
I licked my lips at the way the water dripped off her face. “Like what?”
“Like you’re thinking too hard about something.”
Moving over to the edge of the pool, I squatted in front of her, gripping her chin between my fingers. “Thinking about how bad I fucked us up and how many times I let you slip outta my hands.”
“I didn’t slip, Xy. You threw me. Hard as fuck.” Pain, sadness, and something else that I couldn’t put my finger on passed through her eyes.
“Yeah,” I bit the corner of my lip, feeling like a dick. “I did but never again,” pulling her face close to mine, I softly kissed her lips. “I love you, Angel.”
“I love you, too,” she whispered the words I’d been waiting to hear her say for over two years.
Whenever I told her I loved her, she normally didn’t say a word to me. While she was dating Akil and still fuckin’ on me, she let it slip a few times during sex, but that’s when I was balls deep in her walls. It didn’t count then. Hearing it now, it damn sure counted and meant more to me now than the first time she said it when we were kids.
“Say it again,” I demanded, brushing my thumb over her bottom lip.
